m4k2004's Journal, 07 November 2010

Okay I am recording a journal entry because I've done horrible today and I recognize that.

Keith made fudge last night and I wasn't tempted too badly. Today though I got off course. I really should have made him take that fudge with him to work but I didn't. And I really should have skipped the fudge and made myself some lunch but I didn't. I ate fudge and potato chips for lunch. SICK AND DISGUSTING is how I felt afterwards. I am not kidding...my body is no longer accustomed to that much junk food and I really got sick enough to throw up! NO, I did not throw up cause I realized I was over-doing it...I threw up because my body just went in shock or something.

Now, yes I made a big mistake. I hold myself accountable for that. I did not eat any other snacks or lunch and honestly I am not hungry right now. I will make myself eat some dinner. And no I am not going to use the excuse since I screwed up I can eat whatever I want the rest of the day. It does NOT work like that. I will make a dinner that will fit into my caloric budget. However, tomorrow that damn fudge is going to work with Keith. The chips aren't too bad and only ate them cause the fudge was just too sweet and I needed some balance.

Am I mad at myself for eating all that fudge? YES. Am I going to let it discourage me? Hell no! I've come too far to fall.

I am still doing really well with not eating out. We did go to Cracker Barrell as a family this past week and i honestly don't regret that we did. We ate dinner and even had dessert. I think because we hardly ever do it anymore, it made the occassion that much more special. And yes, I had some bad for me foods. Still don't regret it.

Some many times I have started dieting and never been successful. This time I've dropped 21 pounds altogether so far and have honestly not stopped eating what I wanted. I have come to realize that moderation and changes I can live with permanently are the key...not dieting...not starving and most certaininly not depriving myself of chocolate and yummy stuff.

I am still a long long way from reaching my goals but I feel better every day. And yes I've been peaking at the scales and no I will not tell you till Friday or Saturday hehe! Although I will say this, I am less than 198 now...not much but still less :)


The personal problems I have been having have had a lot to do with my relationship. Keith is a wonderful man but things got a little weird for awhile. However, he and I are back on track and loving each other more than ever. and he is being as supportive as a skinny guy can be. In my last journal I said I originally started this journey so that he would be more attracted to me. That is partially true. And what I thought he wanted. But I am beginning to realize the thing he missed about me was the fact that I had some pride and self esteem when we first got together.

3 months into this journey and things are different. My motivation is more about getting healthy and having the energy to play with my kids by the time summer gets here again. Not to mention, the feeling of accomplishment I have had helps my own insecurities. It's hard to explain but yes I do feel better about myself from the inside out.

Okay, off to work out with Jillian on the tv since it's too cold walk (my muscles are still yelling at me from yesterday!~) then cook some dinner! I hope you all have a great evening! Love yourself, respect yourself and take care of yourself :)

Emotional eating does NOT have to take over your life!

<3

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1072 kcal

Fat: 28.95g | Prot: 23.63g | Carb: 181.13g.   Breakfast: Wild Blueberry Muffins. Lunch: Fat Free Potato Crisps, fudge. Dinner: Fat Free Potato Crisps, 100% Natural Whole Wheat Thin Buns, Fully Cooked Chicken Breast Patties. more...