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So far, so good. I lost a little from yesterday-about 1/2 a pound which is nice. I have surgery on Friday and am really going to have to be careful after that as to how much exercise I can do right away. I am told that I will have to really be careful so that I don't give myself another hernia or lesions.
I am still having a very hard time with the loss of my mother on September 19th. I feel so sad sometimes and I know that there are some really tough things going on in my personal life that are really making me sad.
My ex boyfriend has moved on with his life. He has begun seeing/talking to another woman in Vancouver. She is an old high school associate and they have been getting along pretty good. It makes me sad because I truly miss him and have talked to him about getting back together with him. He says he wants nothing from me right now. He said he doesn't want anything to do with me other than communicate with eachother about our daughter Angelina.
That made me cry because I know that I hurt him when I left him earlier this summer for another man. He has gotten over things throughout the summer and has struck up this friendship with this girl. The worst part is, she was trying to talk to him via Facebook long before I met this other man. This caused suspicion in me and made me feel unwanted. So, I guess you could say, I strayed. I know I could have said no to this other man, but truly, I was feeling very lonely.
My ex said he doesn't trust me and he said he isn't sure he ever will again. I can understand that. I have hurt him badly, and I know that I can never take that fear away from him. I can only do that in time.
However, he is hanging around me a little more, and he does call me to see how I am doing with regards to grieving over my mother's death. That is all nice, and maybe it's a start, but here's the thing: I am having surgery on Friday. I have no one to be there for me. He planned a trip to Vancouver to go meet this woman before my summer boyfriend and I split, and it just so happens that the concert is on the same day that I have surgery!!!!! How upsetting! He is going to go too-despite the fact that I have asked him to stay with me in the hospital. Depsite the fact that I am afraid of being by myself in the event that something happens in the hospital.
I am so hurt and upset by it, and perhaps it's his way of getting me back. I just want to move forward with things and he is hurting me BIG TIME! This will be his first time meeting this woman and they planned to stay in the same hotel room and go for dinner after the concert even! I know what is going to happen. They will probably sleep together-even though he said he can always say "no". I am pretty positive that they will.
I am so upset and devastated. I want to just die. I have so many issues going on in my life, and sometimes the only thing I can think of is just being alone with NO MEN in my life for now.
I am a single parent of three beautiful children ages 14, 11, and 6 and I feel so scared and apprehensive about my future. I may not have a job at the end of my medical benefits and that scares me even more!!!
I am so stressed out!! Help!
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153.4 lb
Lost so far: 10.0 lb.
Still to go: 13.4 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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losing 4.2 lb a week
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