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Thanksgiving was a mixed bag for me. I have so much to be grateful for in between the stress, sadness and even loss. I totally loved having all the kids here yesterday, in spite of all the work and pain that went into it. My oldest son was here, my daughter, my grand, her boyfriend and his 13 year old son. The only one missing was my youngest son(33). Though he was here... in the house. He stayed in his room the whole time... It's been so terrible. He's been so ill and it happened so suddenly. I didn't know the signs.. I didn't see the signs and I have no idea where this will lead us.
He had a break from reality last month, spent 10 days in the hospital and went back to work. Then he couldn't get his medication refilled because the office where he was suppose to see a Dr wasn't staffed properly and they kept canceling his appointments but they also would not refill his med without seeing the dr 1st and yes I'm still very upset about that!
After being off his med for over 2 weeks he finally got in and got his refill. However, he's not stable. His work put him on sickleave because he couldn't perform his job properly and trying to talk or reason with my son is going nowhere right now. He's so distracted with the voices in his head. I'm trying hard to deal with this. I gave my son links to helpful sites and wrote down the crisis numbers he could call for help. So far, he hasn't called anyone and I'm feeling pretty helpless. It's like having a stranger in our house.
Ah... but there is good news. My oldest son was contacted this week by his ex so he has been talking to his daughter whom he hasn't seen nor knew where she was for 10 years. He says he's moving closer to her which I'm so happy for him. On the downside that leaves me to deal with my ill son by myself. If I wasn't sick, this would not be an issue.
Anyway, between this and my daughter's abusive situation I'm pretty depressed and wrung out. I had always thought that it gets easier when your kids get older or that's what I was told anyway. Well that's not happening at my house. I am wondering with all this what 2013 has in store for our family. My daughter is worried that my son may not be able to return to work and what that would mean isn't a fun idea. As I understand it, it's not a smooth road to disability concerning mental illnesses should he not be able to return to work.
Sigh...sorry for the bummer journal but being a shutin really limits me. There are few places I can go to sort this all out.
Thank you for being here and here's hoping that the Christmas holiday finds us all much better off.
Hugs,
~Ruby
also known as Dianna (real name). Ruby is my longtime nickname.
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