Ceebee's Journal, 27 May 2010

Wow, so ok, let's address these one at a time. As much as I love swimming, I'm always STARVING afterward. There have been studies that show water sports can cause an increase in appetite so keeping lots of fruit and healthy snacks around can really help. Second, you just quite smoking so of course you want a cigarette and it's only natural to want to fill that void with food. Again, keeping healthy snacks around can help and sugar free hard candies! As far as your back goes, what's going on there? Is it an ongoing problem or did you injure it? 

Back in December I hurt my back.. and it is just an ongoing problem.. I have been seeing a chiro.. I was seeing one in Jan and he popped my rib out of place in feb. so I switched and I have seen this new one like 5 times.. It just has me really depressed right now.. it is not bad.. it just aches a little and I feel really sad that I am not going to be able to go up north with my extended family this summer because of back. (we go camping and there is no way I could sleep on the ground or a floppy air mattress) So I am really especially bummed about it today. I just told my sister in law that I wont be able to go so now I feel like a failure as a mom because I cant take my kids up there because of my stupid back.. I know fat people and bad backs go hand in hand.. but it is my upper back right between my shoulder blades.. not my lower back like most people.. so yeah.. not a big deal.. people starving in china.. and so on.. but right now I am feeling really bad about things.. it is mostly the fact that my kids will miss out on fun because of me and to top it all off I ate like 1000 extra calories for no good reason last night.. and that does not help a fat person with a bad back.. great job mom! Did I mention that I really want a cigarette right now.  

Stop being so hard on yourself! I too have a bad back from an injury I had when I was 18 (and thin!) and I've only taken my kids camping twice because of it. Not being able to tolerate sleeping on the ground does not make you a bad mom! You spend so much more time with your kids than most mothers do and you have to know that makes up for more than a couple of family outings. It's what we show our kids every day that builds a relationship. Just think even if you were to go, you'd be miserable the entire time and so would they. You're much better off doing things with them that you can all enjoy. As for the cigarette, it's just natural...especially when you're feeling down. But look at how great you're doing! Because you quit smoking, your kids are going to have a lot more years with their mom!!! 

CB, You are beeing way too hard on yourself!! I agree with everything Jen is saying. Just a couple of thoughts on camping - is there a way you could rent a camper? Then you could be off the ground and more comfortable. Also one of those thicker air mattresses can be pumped up and be pretty darned firm. If you get a little creative, you may be able to figure something out. I love going camping and also have problems with my hips without a good mattress. I'm a side sleeper and my hips and legs actually fall asleep during the night (whichever one is down). It's weird. So I end up tossing and turning all night if I'm on the ground. Even so, we just love camping, so I deal with it as best I can. As for the smoking - keep reminding yourself why you quit - to be healthier - to live longer - so my kids won't smoke when they are older - so my clothes don't stink - so my teeth aren't yellow - so my breath doesn't stink - so I can quit sneaking around - so I don't have to be constantly stressing for a cigarette - so I can run up a flight of steps without being winded - so my skin is more beautiful. I have to think of these things all the time. It has been over 4 months since my last cigarette.  

((((HUGS)))) It's hard to see it now, but the 1000 extra calories is just a slight step back. Take a deep breath and remember why and who you are doing this for. Forgive yourself and move on. I know your feelings all too well. Hang in there. Your rewards will outweigh any (((bad))) feelings you are having today. ((((((HUG)))))) 

I agree with everyone else don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself some credit, you have taken on, not 1 but 2 MAJOR lifestyle changes! Try not to replace cigarettes with food if you can at all avoid it. When you want to smoke start off by reminding yourself you don't smoke, then drink some water, this will do 2 things: 1. It will occupy your hands and mouth for about 5 minutes (hey wait that's how long it takes to smoke a cig) and 2. It has been proven tat all it takes to get past a craving is to not give in for a few minutes and the craving will pass. Not to mention that drinking water is good for you. If you have a lot of cravings and begin to feel like you are about to float away, find something to do that you don't normally do while you are smoking. These things hepled me a lot when i quit smoking. I wish i would have found out about the water instead of food trick a little sooner :). I haven't had a smoke in 2 years. If i could do it after smoking for 25+ years you can do it! Have faith in yourself, and never give up! A quitter is some one who quit one more time than she fell. 

Thanks everyone.. I am feeling better now.. my back is still bummin me out.. but I am not as down on myself. :) 

I have back problems too, so I feel your pain, literally. I have lower back muscle spasms that can knock me out and put me in bed for 2 weeks at a time. Like, I can't stand up. It's the worst thing on earth and terrible terrible pain. I can tell you that exercise has helped me tremendously. I used to get knocked out several times a year by the back pain. Since I have been exercising regularly, I haven't had a really bad episode in over a year (only moderate pain, not debilitating- YAY improvement!) Mine is highly tied to stress. Stress causes the muscle spasm and the muscle spasm causes sress. Be kind to yourself, beating yourself up will really only make it all worse. You're being tested. When you quit smoking, you really have to make it until the nicotine is all out of your system before you will feel better. Believe me, I've quit at least 20 times! If you make it through the stress without smoking, you can make it through anything. And swimming burns a ton of calories, so I wouldn't worry about the food too much. You got great exercise too.