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I am posting my weight (I'm up 4 lbs since last weigh-in) completely against the norm for me; I usually lay low till my weight comes down again, or just dissappear for good.
However, I feel like I may have hit bottom and am ready to start over (for the 3,842nd time). The cruise I was just on wasn't as much fun for me because I caught a view of myself that I hadn't seen before. My stateroom had a mirrored vanity that was placed at an angle to a full length mirror so that I kept seeing various views of my full profile, which is not a view one gets easily at home. I was really stunned at how incredibly unattractive I am, and it soured me completely. Previously I didn't think I looked that bad when I look straight at a mirror, but seeing my profile just sent me into a spiral of depression that nearly destroyed me. I had to keep it under control in order to not be a total buzzkill to my friend - I mean, who wants to be on vacation with a wet blanket? And it wasn't just seeing my profile. I was physically uncomfortable a lot of the time, and I could have had so much more fun if only I were carrying less weight and in better physical condition.
Anyhow, while on board my friend and I signed up for an 11 day Southern Caribbean cruise in March 2015. I'm really excited about the itinerary (6 days of diving!!) but told her that I'll go only under the condition that I loose at least 50 pounds, because I can't go through this again.
Since coming home 9 days ago I have tried but failed several times to get that first 24 hours of a diet off to a good start. But so far, so good today. And since it's more than a year away, I see no reason why I can't loose a minimum of 50 pounds. And frankly, if I can't to that, I really need to accept that I will always be this way and get used to living like the hermit that I am now. It must be what I really want.
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248.2 lb
Lost so far: 0 lb.
Still to go: 110.2 lb.
Diet followed poorly.
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gaining 1.8 lb a week
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