Beautiful weather here today. Sunny and cool: my two favorites. I even have the back door open and the A/C off for the third day in a row. Love the fresh air. Mush loves it too ~ she can wander back there and lay in the sunshine at will rather than faking a potty run. My little girl is growing up. We both are.
ATF confession includes pancakes last night; just a couple but cakes nonetheless. However, the acid re-flux reminded me why I don't eat those foods.
A handful of tums and ginger ale later and I managed to sleep about 10 hours. Waking at 9am I was surprised and a little thrilled to realize I hadn't set my alarms. So I didn't make it on the treadmill but that's okay, I will do it tomorrow. Or meet Sharon's tag challenge to belly dance. Or both.
Of course that wasn't solid sleep ~ I'm always up a few times ~ but though I haven't yet picked up the magnesium suggested for the RLS I did take a double dose of the OTC and a hot Jacuzzi and went to bed at 8:30. So today I'm able to be mindful about what's passing my lips a little better ~ both incoming and outgoing.
It's interesting to me that the incoming is what hurts me and I wonder if it's a subliminal punishment for the outgoing? Although I haven't 'said' what's bugging me the past few days, I've thought it. So the pancakes were punitive. A sort of 'a person with ugly thoughts like you deserves to treat your body ugly..'
So maybe rather than thru the lips I'll release it thru the tips of my fingers: it's Blondie. There, enough said. But then it's also me dipping into that depressive lull that hits and I feel ever so lonely and sad. I find myself talking to Cutty far more now than I likely did when he was alive. There, enough said about that too.
Well, I actually created something from Pinterest that didn't end up a hot sticky mess using a frame and dry erase marker. Will leave it to you to do your own Google but mine today has a nice Thanksgiving theme on it with the message written on the glass: Eat Mindful today. No more acid re-flux. I also made one for Grace; she loves sunflowers so I did a nice soft focused sunflower theme and hot glued some silk sunflowers to the outside of the frame.
I realized last night I still have more to work thru on the self esteem as I was thinking about the loneliness but my first thought was 'well, no guy your age would want me because of x, y & z' but then fortunately the 'me' I've been working on this past year chimed in and said 'Why are you FIRST concerned about whether they want YOU? Your first concern would be whether you want THEM!'
Oh yeah, THAT!
Liquid fasting today - coffee and water only. Thankfully, I'm just not hungry and after the past couple of days I'm sure my digestive system could use a break. Kiwanis auction & dinner tonight so this is a good thing; while I will still pace myself and eat mindfully tonight ::insert TRY:: I'll at least approach it with the same focus as when this WOE was new - ala - preparing for the consumption of dining out rather than just adding it in with all the other food for the day.
One day at a time - my constant motto. I felt myself slip on a thought this morning (or last night? - days blending) but nonetheless, it was an old way of thinking and I'm proud I caught it and decided to address it now. I was reflecting that my increased consumption exceeding my activity (CICO) has added at least 20lbs to my body in the past year. My OLD way of thinking, on these previous weight losses, answered such a realization of 'so, what's 20 after losing 110... no big deal.' But my renewed way of thinking responded 'Remember when you swore you'd be as diligent with just FIVE pounds like your Angel?? What happened to THAT?'
So while I'm not particularly PROUD of the 20 and I also know some of that is fat to muscle conversion ... I'm aware of the slips and the after effects they are creating. So I'm proud today my plan is to turn it around even if it is one day at a time, one bite at a time. Just for today, I'm going to be mindful, healthy and happy.
One hour at a time at least - finish one hour, reassess, and do it again. That's all I've got to do. Yup.
Hope you're having a good day in your world today.
Bella
