I don't know how many days I can play the 'tired card' as my excuse for grazing all day but here goes another. All in all, probably below RDI but nonetheless it seems I rarely went an hour without a spoon or fork in my hand yesterday. Home cooked pinto beans (fresh, not canned) and sugar free pudding. But after soaking in the tub to soothe my back * I fell! * and going to bed at 8pm and getting a good nights rest I returned to my protein shake and water and am doing fine. One day at a time.
I do consider it a bit of progress when I looked in the fridge and saw the SF chocolate pudding and immediately thought 'yum.. pinto beans'. How's that - craving real food over dessert. So I walked over to the market and picked up some ingredients to make some.
This morning I was jotting down ideas for TMP and as I wrote 'sewing room' and 'crafts room' because the area has two large room but several small ones I thought 'whoa.... why does this sound familiar' and then I remembered my ideas for the 'Hippie Learning Annex' plan I voiced to Cutty last April. I went back through my journals to find it - another reason for recording things NAF (not all food). This is the only consistent recording for me.
Bella's Commune
I decided TMP has been up for lease for a year, no bites, just time wasting nibbles and the biggest comment being 'it's so much bigger than I expected - I'm looking for something smaller.' So fine, if I have a handful of people who want a small place only once a week or a couple of times a month.. great. I'm inspired. And I know this is going to be good because Blondie is trashing the idea. This from the gal who's too lazy to open her own shop up for extra funds. I measure ideas against her the way Life Cereal uses "Mikey".
This new adventure is serving as fodder for self exploration. I've always been an OCD, hospital corner type person. Cutty grew so paranoid and distrustful of people as his illness progressed and some of that spilled onto me. I am not morphing into a 'Pollyanna, here hold my wallet' type gal just yet but am trying to move away from the 'trust no one, they all want to take advantage of you and screw you over' type stance. I don't want to spend the rest of my life locked in self protection.
Nor do I have any desire to start 'looking for my next husband' although I the other day I voiced out loud, as I was clearing that dead mouse from the store room, 'I need a husband. Or a cat. Hmmm...' In no way am I minimizing men in my life, I just don't want to return to the way things were when I was in my 20's ala that 'gotta find a husband to prove I can be loved' type thinking. Especially now at this age. This quote from Something's Gotta Give feels SO True...
"The over-50 dating scene is geared towards men leaving older women out. And as a result, the women become more and more productive and therefore, more and more interesting. Which, in turn, makes them even less desirable because as we all know, men- especially older men- are threatened and afraid of productive, interesting women. It is just so clear! Single older women as a demographic are about as f-d a group as can ever exist.'
Maybe I'll meet that older man who doesn't want the younger, perkier gal. Maybe not. Until then, I want to live my life for a while.
And with that, I think I'll catch on my buddies journals and then get busy in here. I have a pork roast slow cooking and laundry to be folded in between the customers. Have a wonderful day in your world.
Bella Peace & Love Sun Flower Power (my hippie name)