Day 11: Avoiding emotional eating when sad - Grief and Weight Gain.
Yesterday, I spoke with a vendor I do business with and shared about my triathlon training. She told me about how much weight she put on over the last few years, with the death of her father, then her mother a year ago, and her brother only a month ago. Both she and her sister noticed the weight gains and were thinking about going to Weight Watchers.
It made me think about my weight gain about three years ago with the loss of loved ones, one right after another, without any recovery time (is there any with grief?) and how long it's taken to sort through the emotions and pull myself back together. Food was a comfort as I ate my feelings and felt entitled to anything I wanted to make me feel better. There was no control or boundaries. I was hurting and nothing made me feel better.
This morning, one of my co-workers was laid off, and I was devastated. She was a go to person and I thought indispensable. Well we know about that one. On so many levels, I got reactivated. How vulnerable we are with how we make a living, how cruel to put in nine years with a company and have them say "Good bye and good luck!", how will she get by and how will it be to not have her to go to when I need her help. I was struck with waves of sadness and at times it was difficult to work. Could I be next? Employment Mortality.
Throwing myself in work helped me get through the day so I could leave early to take my daughter to a dress rehearsal and then visit my boyfriend (instead of him visiting me) since he could not leave his ill father. Care taking and grieving are exhausting and it can easily lead to emotional eating.
Instead of throwing caution to the wind, I ate at home where I could control what I was eating and brought dessert over, which included fresh fruit, mini muffins and chocolate reeses pieces. My boyfriend and I shared the fruit as if we were in a restaurant, as his dad sat on the coach watching Jeopardy. My boyfriend finished off the muffins (I knew he would) and it made him happy to eat them all. It was smart of me to eat dinner when I was hungry so I wasn't tempted.
This is new behavior that I was grieving and not eating. I'm impressed. I just feel really exhausted.