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17 July 2012

Day 51: Taking a break from steadfast.

Monster breakfast of bagels, pastries and more bagels!

I've been off track for almost a week now. My exercise schedule, good eating habits, free time and energy are shot. I've decided to give myself a break for a little while until I get my footing back. Recovering from a eating binge is only one meal away. It will have to be tomorrow. Today we had a business breakfast that lasted all day.

Since I have no will power for a couple of days, I ate a half a bagel, and then went back for another half. Once I eat carbs I crave more carbs and so the day went. I ate nothing else but bagels and pastries like an addiction. I have to admit I enjoyed it.

This won't last long because ultimately I like how it feels to eat healthy, clean foods and exercise. The hangover I get from eating processed foods and sugar leaves me sleepy, hungry and out of control. However, this time I am not beating myself up for falling off the wagon. The bagels were delicious.

16 July 2012

Day 50: Accepting Change and Finding Peace.

How do you respond to fabulous?

It is the second week of my daughter's acting classes and I have to accept the painful reality that my schedule is shattered. What had taken an incredibly long time to establish was gone in a week. Leaving earlier and taking later trains home made it near impossible to take the classes I love that made me feel good. On the flip side, I was doing a lot more walking and getting some exercise that way. That is stretching it.

Last week was so hard on both of us that we both agreed to make it better this week and we did. No fights, no disagreements, just peacefulness. Ah. That's a great start.

At the office, one of my first emails was from a client who I had sent a multi-faceted media plan that took about a month to prepare. It was one of the toughest assignments I have ever had and I was glad to finally send it off with pride. The email read "This is fabulous!" and I didn't know how to respond. I finally just wrote "You're welcome. This is what we do." without making it a big deal although it was. We are so used to not getting appreciated for our work that I didn't know how to respond when I was.

Picking up my daughter at the end of the day, we decided to walk to the train down 7th Avenue. As we got to Times Square, only a few blocks away, we thought of trying to get inexpensive tickets to a show, "Newsies", and it brought her great joy! They had a lottery, that we were unfortunately too late for, and we'll try again on Wednesday. The opening was seeing shows spontaneously and isn't that a great way to be together. We thought so.

15 July 2012

Day 49: Catch up Day to Get Back on Track.

Flat at Costco!

It was not a beach day today, although it could have been, and I decided to catch up on food shopping, planning and preparation. With list in hand, I headed out to Costco alone for a solo flight. It was relaxing and unrushed, with plenty of time to leisurely wander down the aisles.

All my items fit easily in the trunk and as I pulled out of my spot, it felt like there was something dragging under my car. I pulled over to look underneath but it was clear. When I started to drive again, I noticed that distinct sound of a flat and it wasn't good. I drove slowly into a space in the parking lot. Do I even have a spare?

My boyfriend/ex-husband is a knight in shining armor and also owns a gas station. He is taking care of his gravely ill father and does not leave him alone. He is remarkably nurturing and kind in that way. When I called him, he came as soon as he could. It wasn't easy for him to get the nuts and bolts off and at one point the jack fell over. He managed to make it work and followed me back home.

With his father being sick, the kids and I haven't seen him very much, and we all miss the simple and loving times we had together. He stopped off to say hello to the kids and hit the road again to be with his dad.

Sometimes circumstances and the universe provide. We missed him and got to see him if only for a few minutes. He missed us and got a chance to see us. Maybe I would have gotten the flat at a time or place that would have a much different outcome. Who knows? I was grateful for all.

14 July 2012

Day 48: Fire at the 4Knots Music Festival at South Street Seaport.

Woodstock Reflections.

I was invited to the VIP Party by the Village Voice today, 1-8PM, on Pier 16, and brought my friend, Patti, as my guest. We were close friends in high school and although we may be out of contact for long periods of time, our connection is strong. We were hired to be counselors together at a camp the summer of Woodstock.

We both have been married, divorced and have children of various ages. Patti is a doting mom and gives until there is nothing left and then gives some more. I am the same. However, I divorced my kids for the day to be at the music festival without having to tend to them in any way. I was free. Patti got pulled in many kid directions until I told her to quit it.

Sitting on the party boat in a great people watching spot, I asked Patti how old she felt behind her eyes. Did she still feel like a sixteen year old, like we were that summer of Woodstock, as I did? She didn't. Then some one said there was a fire and we watched from the side of the boat as Pier 17, where the stores and restaurants were housed. We saw a smoky fire on the first floor that seemed like it was coming from underneath the dock. It burst into tall flames and spread fast. It seemed a long time before the fire boats came and put it out. We were all mesmerized and exhausted by the chaos.

The festival was packed as we made our way out to leave only to be blocked by the three alarm fire trucks. The top story in the news was the fire just like when Woodstock closed the NY Thruway. Being there was exciting at any age.

13 July 2012

Day 47: Emotionally eating a pizza!

The Call of Carvel!

Today is Friday and I finally finished a month long international media plan for a client and my daughter's first week of acting classes in NY. I'm not sure which one was tougher or more stressful. The combination put me over the edge. I needed to celebrate.

My schedule and routine was totally toppled this week with taking my daughter to her classes, walking a subway stop to my office, and a subway stop back to pick her up. Surprisingly, I lost weight this week with all the extra walking and loss of sleep. I feel stretched, tired and misplaced.

It is a very special friend's birthday tomorrow and I picked up a Carvel cake which is our family tradition. There is no way I can ever pass up Carvel. I had two pieces even if the second was a sliver. Then I ate pizza.

There are many ways to celebrate victories or getting through a tough week. Old habits are celebrating with food. That tells me how overstressed I am and that I am emotionally eating. Sometimes I just have nothing left. Tomorrow is another day and maybe I'll just go to sleep early.

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