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I suppose it is inevitable that we will upset someone without even trying.
You may well be good natured and a person with the best of intentions but there is always that “someone” who will get upset with you.
It could be that they have had a bad day or they are not feeling well but by far the most common reason is they have taken you post the wrong way.
This is a problem in all the different forums not just FS and to demonstrate how a post can be misconstrued have a go at this little phrase: -
“You want me to buy her a gift?”
Looking at it you can see it is a straight forward simple question but now read it with the accent on one word such as raise the voice for that word then you will see how many different ways it can be taken.
1.YOU want me to buy her a gift – Objecting to you.
2. You WANT me to buy her a gift. – Objecting to you wanting.
3. You want ME to buy her a gift. – Objecting to you wanting Me to do it.
4 You want me to BUY her a gif. – Objecting to spending your money.
5. You want me to buy HER a gift. – Objecting to the person receiving the gift.
6. You want me to buy her a GIFT. – Objecting to a gift at all.
7. You want me to buy her a gift – An offer to assist with good intentions.
In actual fact, the truth is in the form of a straight forward question all that is missing is the word “Do” then it changes everything to a person trying to be helpful.
Now why am I writing all this crap you ask, simple, I have managed to upset someone on FS with my humour and I knew it would happen sooner or later.
I have been told to limit my P.^ss taking to my own journal by someone who I will not name but who obviously has a limited sense of humour.
This is a normal thing in our world of seeing something in writing but no body language to support it and I accept that with a BUT.
I cannot accept that members assume the role of moderator when they disagree with something.
I object to them thinking they have a god given right to chastise another member.
I object to them refusing to accept the principle of free speech and voicing their own opinion but not allowing others to have one.
As in most forums, including FS, there is a procedure to report any abuse you believe to be there allowing the moderator to make a judgment and take any action they feel is warranted.
One member being abusive to another only serves to spoil the intention of the forum but the other point is that if a member believes or considers a post to their journal to be abusive or uncalled for there is always that magic “delete” button and the post is gone. It is not the job of another member to intervene and make a caustic comment.
It is clear to me now that it is wrong for one member to disagree with another. It is clear that if a member is failing in their desire to lose weight we have to tell them “well done tomorrow is another day”
We are not allowed to criticise constructive or not, we can only say nice things and never tell the truth. If you tell the truth you will be accused of being “harsh” so better to say what they want to hear and not what is the fact. The end result would be the person struggling would never learn.
God help you if you disagree with another member, that is a cardinal sin.
The biggest danger of course is the member who is on the receiving end of the Vicious tongue will at best refrain from attempting to help another member or even leave FS completely – Perhaps that is the aim who knows !!
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 Comments
Big hugs to you I will win. I love your humour and your posts - on your own and on my journal. Buck up - it'll soon be Tuesday.
05 Mar 17 by member: minitata
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You were pretty brutal - Some people just like the facts (e.g. engineers). Some like sugar coated truths (e.g. HR people)
05 Mar 17 by member: Adpully
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Adpully .. I don't get that! I like both sugar-coated truths and the facts. I love the sweetness of sugar- coating things and I love the hard facts of reality. As a teacher at a Primary School a few years ago, I used to teach English language. For my Gifted and Talented children, I would give them similar phrases that WILL has used and ask them to discuss them between them. I would always tell them that there was no write or wrong answer. I was looking for their abilities to discuss words as they were written down. I have never seen children learn so quickly and so eagerly. They did not argue with one-another, but listened to one another's observations!
WIll's phrases here have asked us to read his words again and to ask the questions... is this what he really means? He is asking questions, and sometimes he delves in such a way it might seem to brutal to some people whilst other people might see it so differently.
I have many different ways of approaching people and I have many different ways of writing things down. I am not what people think? I am more than what people think of me! I am an engineer, I am a HS, I am a FS buddy, I am a mathematician, I am also Mrs M here in FS.....
x
05 Mar 17 by member: Mrs Maths
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Adpully, Have I been disonest in any way or are you just confirming that people just can not take the truth ?
05 Mar 17 by member: I will win
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IWW It's not you are being dishonest. Yes I am just saying not everybody reacts well being told the blunt truth - This issue is probably a result of that. When I saw your original post I did think that some people might take offence and obviously someone did. If I had to say one thing it would be that your approach was factual but not exactly tactful.
To Mrs maths point I wasn't trying to compartmentalise anyone -Just a notional illustration about different type of people and ways of approaching them depending on the situation - Teachers naturally of course work seamlessly between facts and tact.
05 Mar 17 by member: Adpully
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Adpully. Just love your last comment.😁 You know how to sweet talk this retired teacher 😜😍
05 Mar 17 by member: Mrs Maths
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Adpully, I take your point. I think to say something to a person which my have a risk of upsetting them but with the best of intentions we need to know that person and understand their personality.
Of course, this is impossible on FS so there is no way for us to decide how our wording would effect them. For example, I could say “you are fat” this would upset some people but not all. I could also say “you are over weight” they both mean the same but the latter is less blunt and perhaps more tactful as you put it.
How many of us sit and think about the words we type prior to publishing. Do we sit there thinking to ourselves “now will any of that upset anyone” no of course we don’t we type then publish.
The main point of my post is being missed completely in that firstly I ask what god given right has anyone got to attack a person when they are not the subject of the post ?
I also make the point that if there is a comment on your journal you have the ability to delete it but my comment was not deleted by the recipient which to me indicates it was taken in good faith and as intended.
We can’t all be the epitome of tact but we can all be honest with our words.
I thank you for your response.
06 Mar 17 by member: I will win
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You've said that you're not going to comment on my journal entries anymore because of the upset - if you don't you'd better put what you were going to say in a pm 'cos I'll flounder somewhat without you.
06 Mar 17 by member: minitata
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