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If I have been journaling a bit bizarre on the site today don't worry about me. I have just come to the realization how little I mean to family members. No one calls, I initiate ALL contact and am just plain tired of these people. I DID have a complete mental breakdown nearly sixteen years ago and obviously they're coping with it by ignoring my existence. I learned some valuable things this weekend and it has allowed me to employ my mind over matter in this situation. I am not going to identify with negative emotions or feelings that come up holding accounts against people who don't care about me. It's a process of letting go of phony relatives who care only about themselves and don't see it. As far as my aunt saying my family has forsaken me, God hasn't - I heard it distinctly said to me when the first Chilean miner was rescued - call it mental illness if you want, but I heard it loud and clear in my mind. I am strong, well and determined to get on with my life with little contact from people who don't want mine. I am ready to move out of my apartment too, and I suppose my twin sister will help, but she only talks to me a few times a month, and is so busy with her own life. I'm seeing things clearer now, and it is good - I will have no reservations moving out of state once I get published... I will start vocabulary words again tomorrow and also track my calories and exercise time from the day before too to stay on track. Doing the vocabulary words just helps me with my writing too! :)
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Glenn...Instead of thinking of your family members why don't you make a family of your own with a calm and decent lovely woman?I believe there is someone out there waiting for you,open your eyes and heart and you will see.And don't worry about them.You are doing good in the company of yourself.So just ignore.You have many more important things to worry about,for example your writing :)
22 Nov 10 by member: lotus2009
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Hi Lotus - I will move as soon as I'm published. I will move to a city that is less expensive to live in - so my buying power will be stronger. If I do move back to Hawaii I probably would feel more comfortable in a condo. My writing I believe will get made into movies whether TV or film eventually and maybe even some of the short stories too. I am low income now and our country is based on materialism not spirituality like the countries with less money floating around. People here are trying to 'buy' heaven on earth because many have no spriritual base. I went to church last night and feel I belong there and constantly hear from people religion judges everyone harshly. I don't feel that way, when I was younger I felt like a hyprocrite walking in, but don't anymore. If someone is young they don't marry for money unless they are very shallow, but in our society by the time a man is 48 he is expected to have lots of stuff and women are not taking someone with little assets. I know I will be successful at the writing, it may be years from now but it will happen. Women in America are looking for something different - like financial security - when the man is 48 - when he is 21 they aren't likely to be so. I have a big liability in dating, I don't drive a car because I panic so can't take women out on a date. I don't want kids unless I adopt as I don't want to pass on mental illness. I am doing well, it is just holiday season here in the USA and I will be alone on Thanksgiving, but it is OK I will keep busy writing that day.
22 Nov 10 by member: GlennM
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