MelbaA's Journal, 20 September 2010

You sound so down. First of all, welcome back. I'm new here, and so far keeping the food diary has kept me from bingeing. I enter my calories after I eat them. If I think I'm getting close to my RDI, I tweak my meal a bit. I usually try to get as close as possible without going over. If I need to go over, I adjust the RDI to maintenance for that day. Sometimes, you simply need more food. I have some sort of mental obsession with controlling my diet. Often, if I lose weight, I go into a panic binge mode and gain it all back plus 50% more. Now, I just want a sane relationship with food. Your story reminds me of mine in a way. We both nearly hit 300 (my top weight was 294), we are both married to men we are crazy about, we are both obsessive, and we both binge. There are two places where we differ: 1) You are young, and I am entering the menopause years 2) You have feelings of self loathing related to your body size, and I do not. You have the advantage of a faster metabolism, and I have the advantage of being able to love myself and feel grateful for other things in my life. Honestly, the self acceptance comes with age. I love my body more now at 255 than I did at 155. Go figure. It does help to be married to a man who truly loves you and thinks you are sexy - - butt grabbing and hand holding at any weight. You have two kids to chase around, so your baseline activity level should be higher, and it won't be hard to find fun ways to be active with them around. Count your blessings and hop back on. You are going to have a long life to learn to love yourself.  

The paragraph separations didn't hold. Irritating. 

All I know its good to see you back. Heck I lost about 115 lbs then I gained 35 lbs so I'm trying so lose that and yeah it was disappointing but I'm fighting through it. With coming back here you're ready to fight back too. Tell your mom I said hello ;)