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Always starting over.
Several years ago I went through a trauma that started a down hill cycle into some very nasty depression. For roughly 4 years I treated myself based on how I felt internally. My self worth became an illusion. A year ago I finally went through a great deal of change and felt as if I was awake for the first time in years. The scariest thing about coming out severe depression is the feeling of exasperation when you start to clean up the mess that was made while you were unable to function.
I can't say I treated myself with much kindness before my 'darkest' period but I'm so determined to do it now. I am well educated in what I need to do and I've written it down countless times in the back of journals, online, on napkins, on my hand (which was the most ineffective). These are the things I want to start doing. I always try to accomplish all of them at once and that never works. I'm going to start a challenge on here that is pretty close to my personal goals and then start to slowly incorporate one at a time. I know they are rather lofty and vague so I got to work on simplifying them...
1. Eat only until full (my trauma triggered compulsive overeating to the point of being very physically ill at times)
2. Cut out white sugar completely (and don't go all crazy with the dried fruit because that totally happens)
3. Drink at least 2l of water a day. Two sips of water does not count
4. Exercise 3 times a week (eventually 5). Anything from yoga, dance class (in my kitchen), running. Make sure to do cardio. 45 minutes of 'corpse pose' does not count.
5. Meditate daily for ten minutes. Facebook is not meditation
6. Cook at home and restrict going out for special occasions. I don't care how tired I am, box up that damn food I made and bring it to school.
7. Eliminate coffee except on awkward dates (not allowed to have awkward dates more than twice a month..this one is mostly a joke)
8. Severely reduce wheat intake. Rye bread (and Pumpernickle because it's amazing) is OK as my body doesn't freak out
I'm really tired of this weight and slow clunky body being a reminder of how weak, frail and useless my situation made me feel. Totally time to take care of myself above everything else.
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