|
Well, this is craptacular. It seems our move date won't be at the end of the year, it will be in 7.5 weeks. Ta da! *eyes crossed*
It has been decided by all involved that the positive factors which had kept me here in Atl while Eric was in AZ, (selling the condo, mostly), were not as beneficial as we thought, and in fact have been detrimental. We wanted to sell the place to have $ to put down on a place in AZ. Unfortunately, the market has not been in favor of the seller. It makes more sense for me to be in AZ, with my husband, getting help and medical treatment with Tribal support (that's a whole other rant), and finally being more hands-on in the development of the store.
The downside is that since the condo hasn't sold we don't have the downpayment yet. This means we'll be living upstairs in his mother's house in the tiny frontier town of Globe. As a lifelong city-dweller, my inner cosmopolitan is screaming for her life and feeling quite Green Acres. The rest of me is determined to enjoy the time away from the distractions, focused in on my husband, main client, and school.
While we've been working on these decisions, I've not been exercising, not been eating well. To be fair though, a large portion of my diet has been Xanax too. I feel as tho I've been in a bit of a haze. I packed my first boxes yesterday and it took more out of me than I anticipated. It's going to take some balance to ensure I have the energy to pack, exercise, panic, and support my husband as his plate is just as full and I know all those things will happen. I can plan according to those expectations.
Of course now that nutrition is paramount, it's the hardest time for me to eat well. Even when I eat good things I'm unfulfilled. Small fries and a McDouble fixed it tho. As I sat eating the McFatAss and thoroughly enjoying it, I pondered on what was *really* missing. Why did *this* feel so good? The fats? Sugars? Salt? The overfull feeling? Spending money? Its surrounded with a lot of Guilt and Shame, so why is the Sabotage what I crave? Is it about hiding? Hiding in the meat suit again?
I was never able to find a definitive answer, but as I sit here drinking a protein shake, procrastinating about the clothes packing I have to do today, knowing damn well a Baconator won't make me feel better (I don't even WANT one!), unable to stop thinking about what to eat even tho I'm not hungry... I should get busy. Now.
Diet Calendar Entry for 11 July 2010:
|
712 kcal
|
Fat: 11.88g | Prot: 52.70g | Carb: 99.76g.
Breakfast: milk, slim fast High Protein. Snacks/Other: kefir, milk, slim fast High Protein. more...
|
|