blurose411's Journal, 12 March 2015

Thank you for the courage and honesty of this post. One of the foundations for my success is the realization that until I am HONEST with myself, I cannot make progress. Avoiding emotional eating is a good step. I understand what you are saying, you want to go beyond that. But getting rid of trigger foods and understanding some of our trigger events/emotions is a HUGE step in the right direction. Then, once that step is firmly in place, I think we can move on to LEARN other ways to soothe ourselves in stressful situations. One of mine is listening to my favorite music, esp. in an empty house (which I understand is rarely, if ever, an option for you right now lol) But hang in there, you have great insights in your journal posts (NOT just today). Build on those insights and keep up the good work,Buddy!!!!!! 

Blurose..you have been doing so well, so don't beat yourself up. We all have those days. I think I eat the wrong things 1. when I'm busy and looking for a quick fix, or when I'm bored and just sitting around. I've been buying things like crackers and some cookies but found out I just cannot have them in the house. I see them I grab 1 or 2 then something comes over me it like well I had 1 I may qs well eat them. so now I am working on not having them in the house. I am also trying to make time for "me" when it comes to my meals. I must eat or have an idea of what I will prepare, it has to be a quick meal most times. Just keep in mind when your emotional your doing this for you, perhaps take a walk with some music and headphones. Its a new day! 

I love that your are able to analyze yourself and then to be able to speak on it as honestly as you do. Use this a a positive part of yourself, for it is a huge step in the right direction. There are so many who are unable to do that or to afraid to. You are way ahead of the game if you can call it like it is, and you also will assist so many others who may be afraid to speak on their insecurities or may have caved because of them. Im believe that most of us here most likely have caved many, many times on our journey to a healthier lifestyle. Blurose411 you are more a warrior that you know, to have the knowledge of yourself I believe is one of the greatest things in life to be blessed with. Thank you for your courage to speak on it, you have assisted me to try to view myself more clearly with my insecurities and the reasons I have them. Cindy  

Only two suggestions: Don't beat yourself up, just pick right up from where you left off.....the good eating...AND don't buy junk food. If you have children and buy them for them, it's not a good thing, teach them young to snack on fruit or other real food. If they are your husband's don't buy them, let him pick up his own junk. He should try and be supportive (which I know doesn't always happen). Find a good buddy on here and try to talk to them before binge eating. I know this sounds crazy, but buy one of those puzzle books or crosswords, and distract your mind for a half hour. That doesn't work try eating some fruit....by then if you REALLY need the cookie or icing, it won't be as much. Wish you the best. Thanks for sharing!  

Exactly... The food we love start to taste bad so that will start to help in our battle. Emotional eating.... I went through a divorce after I started paleo so talk about insecurities but the more I felt alone the more I focused on losing weight. I hope u can talk to him and ask him for what you need....10 more hugs, more intimacy more you know what... Whatever makes u feel better until u get your emotions together. U need positive affirmation...good ur talking here but try counseling too and get girlfriends involved to tell u how wonderful u are!!!! We love your post it encourages me because I slacked a little.  

Maybe he saw you improving yourself and looking beautiful so he got himself a shave and haircut o be attractive to YOU!  

So seriously, this is what I do. Paint your toenails, do a home facial, buy a pretty blouse. Instead of focusing on food focus on YOU. Go to the drugstore and buy a lipstick or a fancy hair conditioner for a few bucks. You will feel better and food doesn't become the go to. I have had to deal with insecurities about my looks my whole life, I peaked at 17 lol, and this is how I learned to deal with it and not be destructive. Its a great thing to teach your kids too, that mommy is responsible for making mommy happy. Second, which is just as important if you have a forever partner, is to just tell them you are feeling insecure. 9 times out of 10 they will go out of their way to make you feel better. 

I think we all have that same problem with emotional eating, I know I do, last week I got excited with my weight loss sucess and pigged out on every thing, and in oing that I set myself back. but the important thing for both of us iis to get back on track with our eating. 

You may need to delve into your insecurities with him to understand the why. Possibly discuss with him how it made you feel. Was it a surprise? Do you not like surprises? Maybe he will tell you next time before he does. I will admit that for years my DH wanted to get fit and somehow his plans got derailed. Mostly me trying to replace that desire with duties around the house. Unfortunately after all these years, those duties never got done, we ended goofing off together. Now we are both unhealthy and overweight. He caved for me. It would be silly for me to be insecure knowing now that he sacrificed his health for family time. I think a part of me didn't want him to look better than me and as a woman, I have a lot more to lose. It is not until now that I can embrace us changing together. I hope this helps. In short, communication and mutual respect for each other. If this doesn't already exist, then I hope you can get there with him. 

All great suggestions. I know why his hair cut and shave triggered it and I have spoken with him about it to some degree. I don't want to beat him up with my insecurities. Sailorgrl, it wasn't a surprise; he told me he was going to do it but it was a shock to see. He left at 6:30 in the morning a grizzly bear and came home at 9:30 at night a clean cut handsome man. I almost cried because I missed seeing his face so much. This maybe a bit evil of me but it triggered my insecurities because I didn't want the young women at his school knowing how handsome he is. Deep down I'm afraid he will realize he can do better than me. As I move closer to menopause I find myself worrying more and more that he will decide that a child of his own is more important to him than I am. And well you know, the whole as men get older they become more valuable to the opposite sex while women become less valuable - whether or not that is real it is playing in the back of my mind. Like I said earlier, he hasn't done anything to make me think these things; they are my own insecurities that have been coming and going since he started college about 2 years ago. I manage to beat them down each time (usually with food) but they come back every so often and now is one of those times. I will have to find a better way of dealing with them until this chapter of our life is over and the next began. Hopefully, when I discovery that new way of dealing it will help with what ever new insecurities come up later. Thanks again for all of your support and advice. It helps just talking with people who aren't feed up with my ramblings. Happy journey everyone! 

There isn't much that I can offer that others haven't already...all I can say is, keep on going and keep telling yourself that you got this. You can do this. Everyone here knows of the struggle to some degree or another and we all are here for you. We are all here to support you. That is what makes FS so great. :) 

Wow I can relate to your insecurities ..Right now I am at my highest weight. even when I was at my lowest 3 years ago (120) I was still insecure. Everyone can get insecure, I find my boyfriend does but he does a WAY better job at hiding it, unlike me I will blatantly say I am a fat piggy. You have to find the root to your own insecurities. Your husband is with you because he loves you. He chose you for a reason. A good person understands we all cannot be perfect everyday. I am sure your husband doesn't view you like you view yourself. Same with my boyfriend. He thinks I look fine but all I see is where I need to lose fat. We are our own worst critics. Just be honest with yourself. And use your insecurities to work harder to change your lifestyle. Everyone here has great advise. We are all here to support you!