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20 October 2014

Weigh-in: 178.8 lb lost so far: 50.2 lb still to go: 29.8 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment losing 3.9 lb a week

16 October 2014

Day 1 - Starting Over

I've done this before, you know. This whole weight loss thing. After I had my son I decided that enough was enough and I worked my ass of and lost 88 lbs in a year and a half. My lowest weight was in June 2012. I had so much confidence, I felt AMAZING! I decided that I was worthy of so much more than I was giving myself credit for and so I set out to improve my situation. I got a new job. I was moving up in the world! Until I actually started that new job. I hate to make excuses. It's just a thing I have. I hate excuses, but anyway... The person who had my job before I did was retiring. She had created this job and every system that was in place was her doing. She was a spinstress who was finally retiring from a job that she had put her heart and soul into for the last 15 years. I get that it was hard for her to let it go, but she was just plain nasty. I'm fairly certain that her goal each day was to try and break me. She was desperate to see me cry and I refused to give her the satisfaction. But every day after work, instead of going for a run like I had planned, I would stop at the store and buy jujubes. They were my reward for putting up with this horrible woman's abuse. I spent about 8 weeks under her reign of terror until finally she deemed me worthy enough to go off on my own, but the damage was done.
Meanwhile, things on the homefront were coming unhinged. Rather than "congratulations on the new job", I got "I don't see how this benefits me". Instead of "starting a new job is tough" it was "you're not pulling your weight". It was hard.
Two years later and I still feel unworthy, I still feel guilty when I work late and still would like to take some time to exercise. The kids are a little older now (4 and 11), but they still need me. There's homework and bath and extra-curricular activities. I am torn between self-care and self-discipline. "Do what feels good for your body" vs "Do what you have to do".
All that to say that two years after my greatest victory, I have let myself creep back into the "obese" range of the BMI. It didn't happen overnight and I knew it was coming, but I thought I could stop it. I bought into all the gimicks: Isagenix, Beachbody programs, The Whole 30, etc etc, but nothing has worked for me this time. The first time I lost weight it was easy. "Eat less, move more". If I ate less than I burned, then I lost. This time that formula just doesn't seem to be working. I need help. This is my truth. This is where I stand.
Today I am starting from scratch. I am taking it one day at a time. In the past I have allowed room for error "If I eat right 90% of the time then I don't have to feel so badly about cheat DAYS". Not this time! This time I am all in. I don't want to be fat anymore. I want my confidence back!

STATS:
Height: 5'5"
Current weight: 181 lbs
Goal Weight 1: 165 lbs
Goal Weight 2: 150 lbs

GOALS:
1) Eat less than 1400 calories per day; Be mindful
2) Be active for a minimum of 30 minutes 5 days a week
3) No EXCUSES!

I am a work in progress.
What you eat in private shows in public.
If you do what you've always done, you'll get where you've always gotten.

16 October 2014

Weigh-in: 181.0 lb lost so far: 48.0 lb still to go: 32.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment gaining 1.9 lb a week

30 September 2014

Weigh-in: 176.6 lb lost so far: 52.4 lb still to go: 27.6 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment losing 2.1 lb a week

24 September 2014

Weigh-in: 178.4 lb lost so far: 50.6 lb still to go: 29.4 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment gaining 1.4 lb a week

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