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22 May 2007

Ugh. I'm not doing so hot. My husband asked me today how I am doing on my diet, because I hadn't talked about it lately. I told him I'm in a slump, but I'm still down 23 lbs overall. He said I need to exercise. Now I know that I need to exercise, but I also know that when ever I've tried to start an exercise program in the past, he makes it difficult - he'll casually mention that we aren't spending as much time together, or that he wanted to go somewhere the other day, but I was exercising. To make it worse, he tells me this morning, after I tell him I'm discouraged, "fine. I won't talk about it anymore since you get mad at me." Um, okay. That made no sense to me, but whatever. Oh, and the reason he wants me to hurry up and lose weight is because he wants to go to a water park - one that we went to about 10 years ago and I hated almost every second of it. I told him then I didn't like it, and now he wants me to lose weight fast so he can go swimming. I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm being irrational when I say that he's being an insensitive a-hole.

So I'm in a slump, but I've not been as good as I was from January to March. I've been eating frozen yogurt, and I had some donuts in the last few weeks. My husband is thin. He had some health problems that caused him to lose a lot of weight, and now he has trouble keeping weight on. He wants to gain weight, but he can't eat any fat or dairy. So here I am, trying to lose, and there he is, trying to gain, and it sucks.

I wish that my husband would just say to me, "I know you are trying really hard, and you are doing well. I'm going to help you do better, but no matter what, I love you." I'm pretty sure that's how he feels, but I don't know if he knows how much of a struggle this is for me. And he is not as supportive as he could be. I told him I wanted to start walking as exercise, and he said that walking won't do anything and I might as well not do anything. So I said I wanted a treadmill so I could build up to a faster pace, and he said that since his parents are using his old treadmill, he doesn't want to ask them for it, and he thinks spending money on one for "us" is a waste of money since I won't use it. I tell him I'd use it, but he'd have to let me make time to use it, and then he clams up and quits talking about it.

So we did start walking, but have laid off a bit. I asked last night if he wanted to go for a walk, and he was too tired, so we didn't go. Then this morning, when we were talking about my diet, and he said I need to exercise, I told him I like walking. And he says that I never say lets go for a walk, "except last night, and I was too tired." That's not true, but I didn't press it.

Anyway, I guess what I am saying is that I don't feel like I have the support I need from him - I've really never had the support I need from him when it comes to losing weight. He thinks it should be easy, since all of his weight fell off so fast. I don't know how to tell him that he's making this more difficult for me, not easier.

Worst of all, I don't know how to get out of this slump. It is so hard to eat right when your partner doesn't help you. The other day, he wanted to go out to dinner, and I said I'd like to have a Slim Fast for dinner, and then I'd go out with him. He said that he'd feel stupid sitting there eating without me (at a sushi bar). He made me feel so guilty that I went to dinner with him. I try to do better, then he wants to go to Taco Bell every night for a week. I think I'll make it through the day without feeling guilty about what I eat, then he goes and buys Ben and Jerry's frozen yogurt and I eat a half a cup.

I've got to tell him "no" when it comes to me and food. Because it's not just that I need to exercise like he thinks it is. It's the Taco Bell, and the frozen yogurt, too.

So I have to look at today like a new day. I have to get past this, "I've got so many obstacles that I can't overcome so I should just quit" mentality. I did so well for the first three months of my diet, so I know it's not impossible. I KNOW I can do this, because I did it for three months. I've got to get back to the place I was at the beginning, and go from there - no excuses, no exceptions, just do what I know is the right thing to lead to my goals and that's it. He will have to accept that there are some things I simply can't do. I can't run. I can't eat at Taco Bell every frigging night. I can't have sugary snacks. I also can't be in 50 places at once. If I am exercising, I can't be playing a game with him. If I am doing housework, I can't be watching a movie with him. If I am trying to watch what I eat, I can't go to Taco Bell with him.

Today is a new day. Today is a new day. Today is a new day. Today is a new day. Maybe if I type it enough times, it will sink in. Today is a new day. Today is a new day. Today is a new day. Today is a new day!

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22 May 2007

Weigh-in: 218.0 lb

lost so far: 4.0 lb

still to go: 43.0 lb

Diet followed poorly

add comment losing 0.4 lb a week

02 May 2007

April wasn't a good month. I didn't lose anything, so I didn't make any recordings here. However, I didn't gain anything, either, so it wasn't a total failure.

I fell into the trap of, "It's my anniversary dinner/it's Easter/ it's Friday" to "justify" my cheating. I didn't go crazy or anything, but I do know that I didn't do myself any favors by eating a Cadbury egg (or two).

So I got on the scale this morning and I'm below 220 for the first time in at least a year. This is a good way to start off May. Here's hoping May is a good month for me.

Weigh-in: 219.0 lb

lost so far: 3.0 lb

still to go: 44.0 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

add comment losing 0.5 lb a week

04 April 2007

This morning's weigh-in has me at 221 - exactly 20lbs from where I started back in January.

While I know that some other diets cause the weight to come off faster, I think that what I am doing is really right for me. This feels more like a life-changing process, rather than a diet. I've been making better choices in the last 3 months, and so far, I've been rewarded for those good choices by a steady weight loss.

When I tried Atkins a couple of years ago, I lost some weight, but I felt so restricted. Dining out was difficult, if not impossible. Eating a meal prepared by another family member or friend was also difficult. To me, there is something unnatural about saying to yourself, "you can only eat food category A, B, and C, but if you eat from D or E, you will kill all of your progress." I'm not saying that people who find success with that method are wrong, I'm saying that elimination of entire food categories is not right for me.

So here I am... 20lbs lighter than I was 3 months ago. I feel better, mainly because I know that my current clothes will fit me when I wake up in the morning, rather than be too tight. I wish I could look into the future to see what my weight will be at in 3 more months. I've never been thin, but to be below 200lbs would be so joyous for me.

Weigh-in: 221.0 lb

lost so far: 1.0 lb

still to go: 46.0 lb

Diet followed 100%

(1 comment) losing 1.4 lb a week

30 March 2007

I did well again yesterday. Here's my menu:

Breakfast:
1 Slim Fast
12 oz coffee with Splenda and non-dairy creamer

Mid-morning snack:
2 low-fat graham crackers (total 100 calories)

Lunch:
6-inch grilled chicken breast Subway sandwich on white bread with marinara, oregano, and a little bit of parmesan cheese.
1 bag Baked Lays sour cream and onion chips

Mid-afternoon snack:
Low-fat blueberry yogurt

Dinner:
1 tuna salad sandwich with very little mayo
Cup of low-fat tomato soup with 2 tsp. parmesan cheese.

(2 comments)

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