lovingmomma's Journal

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11 August 2016

Well I am back, I am pretty much the same weight I have been since January. I will have to weigh in next time I have access to a scale. I have been being tempted to jump into a full on low carb diet so I can see the scale go down. But I known that won't work for me, I might lose the weight, but I will be just as unhappy about my weight, and just as obsessed with food as ever. I remember a desperate feeling I had when I had lost all this weight, still wasn't pleased with what was in front of me in the mirror, and remember thinking is this what my life will be like forever? My body changed but my heart hadnt. So I'm here for the support.
While my weights remained the same, there's been a lot of things changing. I listened to an amaizing sermon a few weeks ago that keeps coming to my mind. It was a sermon about marriage, he was talking about how we have been given the perfect spouse not necessarily to make us happy, but to help us become more holy. That the difficult parts of marriage are there just to help us learn to give up more of our selves. And it hit me, this weight I've cursed for so many years, struggled with, hated, thought how unfair it is that I just have to be this way, that I'm one of the unlucky ones with a slow metabolism, etc. I all of a sudden realized that this weight was given to me as a gift from God. Through this struggle I can be brought closer to Him, and there is no greater gift Id want. It's changed the way I look at all the struggles I have. So what is it that I desire to have, self control is number one, I struggle with this through so many areas of my life. I desire to see my worth through God's eyes alone, and no one else's. If I stay this weight, yet my God loves me completely then I can handle that. I want to see myself through His eyes both good and bad. Those are what I'm going to strive for.
So I will be making a commitment to write in my journal at least 3 days a week, to keep myself on track. I do hope to lose weight, I'm going to get back to eating just what my body tells me it needs. I have lost well that way before, but then just fall back to my normal way of eating.

(6 comments)

27 January 2016

Gained 45 pounds with my pregnancy, but have a beautiful 8 week old little girl to show for it. She is beautiful and fits in perfectly with the family. All her brothers and sisters just adore her. And of course her mommy and daddy too! The weight doesn't want to come off easily this time, I usually lose 20-25 lb without trying, but I've lost about 13, and am going to have to work for the rest it looks like. The weighotel in is from Saturday. It marks a 5 pound loss fromantic the past 2 weeks. I am not dieting, I'm eating whatever I want but only when I'm hungry, and only enough to fill me up. And working to enjoy my food and take my time eating it. Well that's all for today!

Weigh-in: 199.0 lb

lost so far: 32.0 lb

still to go: 34.0 lb

Diet followed poorly

(2 comments) gaining 0.6 lb a week

28 May 2015

I am 15 weeks pregnant with baby number 5. We are very excited, the kids cant wait to have a new baby in the house ,and neither can I. I feel my mindset on food changing. Ive been eating what I want, when Im hungry and stopping when Im full. Most of the time I desire healthy food anyways. This feeling is so freeing. I feel like food is losing control over me, and I have gained far less so far than with any other pregnancy. 4 lbs so far, which is just perfect. It was during my last pregnancy that I realized I had a huge problem, as soon as I allowed carbs back in my diet, because its the only thing that I could stomach the first trimester, I lost control. Ive never felt so out of control with eating in my life. I felt like I just couldnt stop eating. I had done gret on a diet, but my relationship with food was still the same. I remember gaining 7 pounds a week more than once. I kept making the excuse that it was just water weight, but I knew I was out of control. I never want to be back in that place again.
After that pregnancy I realized I didnt need a new diet but a changed mind. Ive gone through periods of feeling free from food controlling me, and even losing weight at the same time, and then going back to being its slave again. I am going through a period of freedom again, and the feeling is amaizing. I dont eat till Im so full I feel sick, if I want a bowl of ice cream and i am hungry i allow mhself to have it, if im not hungry i wait till later and if i still want it I eat it then, and I dont eat the whole carton. ;). Im not sure if i will ever get down to my goal weight without dieting, I hope so, but Ive realized that this freedom, eating without guilt, stopping when im not hungry, eating when i am is worth so much more than the weight loss. And my gain this pregnancy is the least its ever been. If the gain continues at the rate it has, I will end at a very good weight. Maybe even lower then when I started out 25 lbs less.

Weigh-in: 177.0 lb

lost so far: 54.0 lb

still to go: 12.0 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

(1 comment) gaining 0.2 lb a week

31 January 2015

Has anyone had any luck repairing there metabolism. I believe to much dieting has completely messed up my bodys natural metabolism. I'm not sure whether it's been the low carb, or the low calorie, but I can't seem to get the scales to budge anymore with either. After calculating my daily intake I am finding that I usually eat far less then recommended (like 700 less), with occasional binge days. I'm really looking for permanent changes, and trying to get my body running smoothly. I've continued exercising fir the most post, haven't been entirely consistent every month, I'm thinking about doing more weight training. I www going that someone would have some good advice on repairing metabolism.

Weigh-in: 173.0 lb

lost so far: 58.0 lb

still to go: 8.0 lb

Diet followed N/A

(3 comments) losing 0.0 lb a week

26 February 2014

It can be so frustrating to see a gain when doing everything right. You expect it when you slip up, but not when you're doing great. I'm just trying not to let it make me feel too discouraged. I wish I were one of those people that lost weight easily while breastfeeding. But mine seems to be the opposite. I find that I lose the most at 9 months to a year when they start eating more solids and nursing less. It's like my body wants to hold on to everything. I've always liked weighing daily, but now I'm considering just focusing on eating right, and putting away the scale and weighing in weekly. The way I feel about my progress is becoming too dependent on that number on the scale. For the good news I have not missed a workout yet, almost halfway done with week 2, the biggest challenge is still finding time, but I've been making it a priority. It seems that the baby gives me the most time right in the middle of our school day, so I've been having Dd do some quiet time work, or letting her do it besides me, or doing it after bedtime if I wasn't able to get it in then. its so cold again. It's not supposed to get out of the single digits for the rest of the week. This winter has been so brutal and seems never ending. I can't wait till the days where it doesn't take longer to get ready to go outside then we actually get out there! 4 kids and a mommy constantly cooped up in the house gets old fast! Oh well I am determined not to let the scale get me down today. If I keep doing the right thing I'm bound to start going in the right direction again!

Weigh-in: 175.4 lb

lost so far: 55.6 lb

still to go: 10.4 lb

Diet followed 100%

(10 comments) gaining 3.5 lb a week

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