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02 October 2013

Weigh-in: 252.0 lb

lost so far: 0 lb

still to go: 102.0 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

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01 October 2013

Today I spent 2 1/2 hours after work at the Y and it felt so good! Half hour on the treadmill, 45 min working my upper body and abs, half hour in the pool and a half hour in the whirlpool. That's a regimine I can live with. I slept so soundly I almost didn't wake up in time to see it was too cloudy and cold to go kayaking. lol
Still I'm very frustrated that I haven't lost pounds. Yeah, the clothes fit better but no better than they did a couple weeks ago. The bloating is gone and I feel tighter but that's the extent of it. They say that it takes 21 days to start or end a habit. I'm going to stick with this no matter what. We'll see what happens in a few MORE weeks.

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28 September 2013

It's been a week since I started going to the YMCA. I've been three times and I am finding myself rather reluctant to go. It's nuts because I really am excited about the idea of going. Here's the thing, I have this hang up about working out in front of people I don't know. It's ridiculous I know, nobody is watching me, more over, nobody cares. I KNOW this but as with all types of "phobia", it's irrational. I am the type of person that has no problem stating my opinion on a variety of subjects and public speaking has never been an issue. I'm also pretty good at self analyzing. What I have discovered about myself has set off light bulbs everywhere!
I was a painfully shy child, not very good at athletics and I was always compared to other kids my age. Out of a group of four cousins all about the same age, I was "the fat one". I WASN'T FAT! Looking back at pictures, I wasn't too fat or too skinny, I was healthy. This idea that was molded into my developing brain that I wasn't good enough has effected so many areas in my life. I won't go into all the details but it's amazing to me.
I can not let this effect me anymore. I am better than this idea. I have pushed through so many obstacles in life, why would I even think of allowing this one to rule me? Now every time I get that nervous feeling in my gut, I have to say to myself, that's just that shy little girl talking, you're a stronger woman than she ever believed you could be.

"I am strong, because I've been weak.
I am fearless, because I've been afraid.
I am wise, because I've been foolish."

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25 September 2013

Weigh-in: 252.0 lb

lost so far: 0 lb

still to go: 102.0 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

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21 September 2013

Omgosh, I went so far off my diet yesterday I can't even face it to record it. Well, I am resolved now to stay the course, I'm so dissapointed in myself. I can not let that happen again. I know it was total emotional eating. I'm not sure of the source (although I could venture a guess) but I have to get a grip and figure out how to channel it in a possitive way. Any suggestions would be most welcome.
Self sabotage sucks big time. Why, Why, Why do we do that to ourselves?! It is the weirdest thing, like dreaming while you're awake. I know exactly what I'm doing and can't seem to redirect that negative behavior. It's so easy to excuse it away.
I was a smoker for 29 years, I quit 2 1/2 years ago with the help of Chantix. I don't even have the slightest urge to smoke anymore. I don't miss it at all. I do however have these dreams once in a while. I dream that I've started smoking again. I wake up so sad and feeling like an utter failure because I gave in. Addiction is addiction, smoking or over-eating or what have you, they all have to be overcome. It's finding the path best suited for you that can be the challenge.

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