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17 August 2009

I am so stressed and sad and broken and on the verge of collapse :( Not great circumstances to start my diet. :(

Things I did well:

- Worked out for 35 min on the eliptical trainer at a higher intensity than usual
- Took a nice hot sauna
- Resisted sweet cream filled pastries at morning tea
- Ordered a very healthy salad when my boss unexpectedly took me out to eat

Things I didn't do well:

- Had a soy hot chocolate
- Came home and had a glass of soy milk and a few slices home made bread: comfort eating

The situation:

Last week a girl at work blew up at me and it got really personal. She's a young, blonde model. I'm an old, dumpy non-model. She claimed I'm threatened by her, which I'm not. But, the very fact that she thought I would be highlights the differences between our appearance and that sucked. She also pointed out how "everyone" knows I'm threated by her, and I see her having little gossipy conversations around the office.

The kicker? I'm more senior than her. Also, our company only has about 10 people and we all work in one room. There's no escaping her. I've handled the situation with as much grace as I can, and my boss is playing mediator and sympathizes with me. But it means I'm internalizing all of my stress and anxiety which lead to my comfort eating just now. I'm stressed because tomorrow I have two more meetings about the "situation" - one with my boss telling me all the problems the other girl has with me, and the other is a meeting with him and her to "clear the air and figure out how to work together". I'm not looking forward to either. Combine this with the fact I've got a brand new employee to train up, all the while pretending everything is fine (when its not) and I'm at stress overload.

THEN - my mom emails me to tell me the family dog ran away and got hit by a car while in the care of my stepdad. I think my mom really hates the man she's been married to for 20 years. She never says a nice thing about him, and before she left on holiday she'd bitched about how she worried the dog wouldn't be well cared for when she left. Now she's got ammunition to say "I told you so" and she's self righteous and furious. So was a bit of a bummer email to read on a totally stressful day.

The work situation started in earnest on Weds of last week. Tomorrow will be the 6th day I've been stressed/anxious and angry over it. It is so draining. So very draining.

Now, I go count my calories and see if I have enough to have dinner, or if I send myself to bed without supper.

SAD DAY.

(3 comments)

17 August 2009

Weigh-in: 220.5 lb

lost so far: 0 lb

still to go: 11.0 lb

Diet followed N/A

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16 August 2009

Well I've spent a good part of today doing healthy things and getting prepared for tomorrow, when I re-commit to eating better.

I've made sure I've got healthy food to last me through til payday, have my meals planned and am enjoying a big cup of tea instead of my usual Sunday afternoon glass or two of wine.

I also transplanted Luke's hop vines into bigger pots and have planted a bunch of seeds (tomatoes & cherry tomatoes, parsley, jalapeño peppers, okra, lufa (yeah, the sponge) and something else that I've already forgotten! Hah! It's in a little pot so maybe it's some kind of herb? Ah! Yeah! It's cilantro!

I had a few too many cookies with my tea (urp) but am having a roast ear of corn for lunch, and dinner is home made veggie/lentil/rice soup. Tomorrows meals are special K for breakfast, steamed veggies and tofu for lunch, and broccoli spinach tofu stir fry for dindins. I'm trying to practice the mantra of 'eat til you're no longer hungry, NOT until you're stuffed.' Easier said than done. I've been eating til I'm stuffed my whole life!

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