My journey with wellness, weight and body image has been a complex one. I've always struggled in some form of way. I was a very active child and teen between gymnastics, dance and running in track - I was very fit and it felt natural to do so. Behind closed doors I struggled with anorexia. I never really liked the way my body looked so I starved myself and usually only ate dinner unless I had to eat with my family.

As I grew older, I fell in love with my best friend and realized I wanted to start our family but after 10 years of miscarriages, dozens of fertility treatments and multiple surgeries later, still no family. In 2018 I had no other choice but to have a hysterectomy.

Over those passed 12 years my body took its toll of beatings, between the treatments to start our family and working, I was no longer physically active, I gained weight with each pregnancy and miscarriage. Each treatment that was unsuccessful broke down my body and mental strength. By the time I had my hysterectomy, recovered and pulled my mental health back to the pits of despair, I weighted the highest ever at 269.8.

I hated looking at myself in the mirror, I rarely had the energy to do my makeup, hair and I started to not care about my physical appearance too. I felt like I was drowning and still do. I want to get out of this endless loop of self pity and struggle. My body doesn't look the way it used to. I have been working on eating healthier over the last couple years but now I'm going to turn my focus on my weightloss and self discovery.

I have a strong support system with my family and husband. I'm lucky in that respect but I'm just hoping I can make it to my goal and live my life the way I want to. For me, for my future and for my family.