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Weight History
showing entries 1 to 2 of 2
04 October 2011
A couple of months ago, a woman I know told me that I had such a pretty face...followed up promptly by "but you just need to lose some weight". I was stunned. Does she think I don't know my own dress size? Why did she feel the need to point it out? And who is she to judge me anyway? I would have never told her she had a nice smile but needed to "just fix the gap in her teeth".
We all have imperfections but why is weight looked upon in such a way that it can make one feel inferior? Ever since her comment, I have been eating everything in sight and have the extra pounds to prove it. The power one person can have over another is amazing. I guess it's only natural to want the approval of others.
I know when I was a kid, forever ago, I remember telling my best friends mom that I was fat. I was in 2nd grade! Having kids myself now, I wonder where did I get that idea as a 2nd grader? Looking at pictures of myself from when I was little, I wasn't at all fat. I was cute. But I remember the feeling of being fat.
All my life, my greatest weakness has been food and my weight has been my greatest struggle. My weight has caused me to feel rejected, often like a social outcast. I've lost weight before. A few pounds all the way to more than 80 pounds. It didn't change my inner core. I was the same person at 250 pounds as I was at 180 pounds. I was still in a crappy marriage. Still belived I was fat (even though at 180 pounds I ran 4 miles and lifted weights EVERY DAY!). Still, I felt I was inferior and socially unaccpeted because I thought I was overweight.
My weight can no longer define me. I love the things that are going on around me and am so blessed. And yet, I am constantly beating myself up and internally saying things that I wouldn't even say to a complete stranger or my kids or a friend. Terrible things. I now have a very happy marriage (with a husband who loves my big booty!), 4 great (but challenging) kids, a job that I love. I'm content and happy. These are the things that define me and have nothing to do with my weight.
People need to be careful in what they say to others. Bruises and scars heal, but words hurt and the sting lasts much longer. Treat others with respect and kindness. I've allowed others to hold power and control over me for too long now. I am who I am. I am a beautiful woman with size. I can accept that and it's time that others do as well.
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04 October 2011
Weigh-in:
271.0 lb
lost so far:
0 lb
still to go:
91.0 lb
Diet followed N/A
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