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2blackroses2
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Weight History
showing entries 1 to 5 of 8
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15 August 2017
My fiance is worried about me becoming anorexic again. I don't mean to worry him. But I cause flashbacks of his sister. She made herself sick with the amounts she lost in short times, and now she's dead. He made me promise to eat 1000 calories a day. I don't really want to. The flashbacks physically hurt him and I want to feel the pains of day long hunger. I feel like I deserve it. But then it would hurt him and I can't stand the idea of that. It eats me up inside to know I've caused him pain when all I want is to protect him from it.
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14 August 2017
537 calories consumed after lunch, I'm proud of myself. Today all I've had for a main course is eggs. Breakfast I had an egg with cheese and a Gold Peak extra sweet tea (200 and some calories that I regret). Then lunch was an egg with Cajun seasoning and ketchup then to drink water with berry punch flavoring (10 calories and delicios instead of tea). Hopefully I can restrict myself in this manner for dinner too, that's usually when I overeat. I think all days I have marching band I'll only have eggs for a main course, or should I do that backwards? Have eggs only on days without marching band? Because if I eat eggs on marching band days I'm not consuming many calories but I'm burning a lot. And then if I eat normally I'd burn those calories and not really gain any on the days in between eating just egg. Any ideas on what I should do? I really want to lose weight.
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13 August 2017
*sigh* I'm disappointed in myself. And being disappointed in myself makes me want my comfort food. I can't tell if I'm hungry or just feel bad. I miss being anorexic. I wasn't an anorexic that was skin and bones but I was still anorexic. I miss it. Those size junior 13 jeans fit perfectly and now they're too small. I'm not really fat I just have a lot of muscle and some fat. At 180 and anorexic those jeans fit perfectly. At 216 and overeating not really. I believe I will fit into those jeans again. But I also believe I have to learn to be anorexic again.
(3 comments)
13 August 2017
Wellll today I didn't do so great. I'll have to try extra hard the next few days. Note to self: do not eat taco bell for breakfast. ONE breakfast salsa packet has 600 and some calories :'( :/ I failed. I did good yesterday, according to calories burned I lost 1/3 a pound but I'm pretty sure I gained it back. Maybe I should start to think of each day as a goal. Tomorrows goal is to lose 1/2 a pound according to calories. That means I have to burn 4050 calories tomorrow. That's doable, right?
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12 August 2017
It makes me really happy when I see I've burned 3107 calories and only consumed 540 calories by lunch. I'm making progress!!! :)
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