|
So, I weighed myself today because I'm going to go to phase 1 (somewhat modified) for a week. I couldn't handle phase 2 - it's like give me an inch and I'll take a mile. I just feel that the whole point of phase one is to smash those cravings and to break addictions - well it didn't work that well because the minute I started phase 2, I slowly went back to my old habits (only not as bad) and now I do eat more fruits and vegetables. This time, I will allow myself more than 2 cups of tea though - but I need to stop the diet sodas - like I'd say ok - this is one of two, than two of two, then I'd think.. did I finish that entire can?..no - I guess one more won't hurt...and so it goes. Phase one helped me to change my eating habits A LOT - I started to cook more, and I think I need another week to focus on the basic foods that should make up most of my diet before I start adding more foods.
I didn't do any kind of work out yesterday- I felt depressed, down. Listless and lazy. Still had a bit of a cold/allergies/whatever the heck it was. The only, only reason I took a shower and washed my hair, put on make-up (well, got out of bed) was because I was scheduled to teach a class and knew I had to get up in front of a bunch of stangers and talk. And it still makes me a little nervous - I love to teach, but it's still a bunch of strangers...all staring at me. Aack. So, last evening, I taught my class (it's a childbirth refresher thingy) and we provide cookies and chips and bananas - did I eat a banana? Noooooo - munched down on not one cookie, but a few and then, opened a bag of delicious Doritos and drank some diet Coke while I chatted it up with the people after class. Then when I got home, my husband brought one of those rotisserie chickens for dinner and I acted like I had nothing to eat all day - tore into that poor chicken like some viking who hasn't seen meat in a year. WTC? Then I had a couple of glasses of wine with my meal - I just feel like I've gone out of control - out of control. I've been telling myself every day for the last week that I'd stick to it, and every day I'd start out okay and than just blow it. It's some sort of self-destructive behavior. Like, why am I doing this to myself? LIke I need a 12-step!! My name in chistine..and I'm a foodaholic. So, I'm doing Phase 1 for a week and than going to Phase 2. I know that I've developed really unhealthy eating habits over my lifetime. I know I don't use food just to nourish but to comfort - and I dont' really think there's anything wrong with it.... once in a while...I have a super addictive personality. Like I couldn't just smoke one cigarrette when I smoked - I'd just about chain-smoke when I smoked (not like all day 'cause I still had to work and I wouldn't smoke in my house or in front of my daughter (although she would catch me once in a while..) Then one day, I just quit. Cold turkey. After so many attempts to quit...I just did. No drugs, no patch, no gum. It was hard at first. I'd have triggers that would make me crave a cigarrette - like a stressful situation. But I'd think of another way to handle it...like go for a walk. But I didn't give in. So if I can do that, why can't I just quit binge eating? I find myself reaching for food when I'm not even hungry..just 'cause it tastes good. I don't evaluate at all why I'm doing it. So I need to slow down. Start thinking about it. I've had such a hard/stressful year and I just now realized that. We sold our house and bought a new one. My mom hasnt talked to me in about two months which is heartbreaking to me. She was like my best friend and I feel so betrayed and angry at her right now. It's opened up this horrible wound. There's the situation with my step-kids - long heartbreaking story. I do thank God for my great husband, my healthy daughter and my dog. I don't take that for granted I just see people with big families and think how nice that must be. How nice to have a big family where people get together and celebrate birthdays and love each other. It's just the three of us. Anyway, enough for one day. I got all that off of my chest. I'm going to take my dog for a walk.
|
166.0 lb
Lost so far: 11.0 lb.
Still to go: 21.0 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
|
losing 7.0 lb a week
|