Lokidixon's Journal, 27 November 2015

Hang in there,you'll get back down . 

Sometimes it takes a big number to give you your mojo back.  

Thanks, Marie and Justine. Justine, you know my fluctuations pretty well by now, I suppose. I suffer social fatigue, slide into semi-gluttony, come back with my tail tucked, and reassert myself. Right now I'm in that uncertain place where I'm not yet 100 percent back on track and just hoping to get my stuff together sooner rather than later. Hope you're doing well.  

Yup I hear ya. I'm Mrs 80%ish right now myself. The good thing is you know that when you come back, you come back well! :-) 

I'm pulling for you!  

oh wow. That is so me. I love the coining "social fatigue". I guess my mojo now is instead of losing weight (yes of course I want to do that, duh) I just want to FEEL better more so than seeing the scale drop. I am fatigued and moody and feel poorly emotionally; out of control. And I don't like something without a brain (food) to be able to do this to me. Hang in there. You are not alone! 

Thanks, Justine. You're solid at 80%, ready to strike when you deem the time appropriate. Thanks, Steven. I appreciate it. Excellent description of not only your problem but mine, etkfxrwife. I'm not in control right now. Sure 95-99% of the time I am, but it only takes that ten seconds of weakness to trigger an avalanche of self-destructive behaviors. My brain is not currently my own.  

I hope things are going better for you. Take care! 

Thanks, Steven. Things are a little better. Hoping to report better news soon. Take care! 

9 is just a blip. Back on the horse. 

Good to hear!! You're not alone in this! 

You will go back i am sure ,don't give up! 

The good thing about rock bottom is the obvious path is up. Go that way...one day and one decision at a time 

Wow, what excellent support... thanks, Larry, Sad, and jmb! 

OK Now....get the Rock out of your Bottom.....it is holding you back!!! That rock weighs 9.0 lb!! Don't give up on yourself. I can see by that smiling face you don't let many things hold you back. I can see the conviction in your eyes!!  

Thanks, Rocketgirl! Your "get the rock out of your bottom" made me laugh. Hitting the grocery store today. In my case, so much of this is about gatekeeping. If I buy the right stuff, I eat it. If I buy the wrong stuff, I eat it. Guaranteed I'll think of your funny line if I stray toward the wrong stuff.  

Just wondered how you were doing. Gatekeeping better? I am a retired nurse so I know all about that gatekeeping. This whole change in lifestyle is like a patient chart: You chart your food, observe any changes (loss or gain in weight), changes in your mood (rock in bottom:), and then change your food or whatever you are going for your patient (you). That's what nurses do for the patients. So take care of your patient (you). I see write novels so I am sure you do re-writes....sometimes you just have to do a re-write....do not get discouraged. Hang in there. You are always worth it.  

Thanks, Rocketgirl. I really appreciate your checking in. It's been a mixed bag, honestly. I have done a better job with bringing in good stuff, but I've still been making excuses and eating / drinking like an idiot. This morning, the mood was truly rock-bottom. I felt like crap. Stepped onto the scale and wham -- 199.8 -- which means I've gained 16 pounds since this summer. No wonder I feel like crap physically and mentally. I've said for months that I would never go over 200 again, so I officially kicked into "rewrite mode" (I really like that comparison, btw) this morning. I kept thinking that I was going to get my crap back together, but now it's official. I have to. I stepped right to the edge of my personal cliff. Time to get re-writing. Again, thanks for asking, and thanks for the pep talk, which was timed perfectly. For what it's worth, I have a world of respect for nurses (retired or otherwise). My best friend works in an ER. 

What do you attribute the gain to? Is it the food in your house or are you eating out too much? Sometimes buckling down and cooking at home, bringing a bag lunch to work is all the change necessary to get back on track again. 

Good thoughts, and thanks for sharing, @soonsoonsoon. A little of both, actually... but the recent spike was due to one of those moments of temporary insanity where, convinced that I was about to _really_ buckle down, I ought to just blow it out at Old Country Buffet. Overall, it was about the stuff I was bringing into the home and the type of food I was eating. (Also, I work from home, so what I bring in is doubly important). Anyway, I finally did buckle down, and I'm both embarrassed and happy to report that I dropped several pounds in the last twenty-four hours, proving that the spike was water weight. I feel better already and more motivated.