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I'm trying to be patient. I'm trying to focus on being healthy for healthy's sake, and not on weight loss. But I can't help but wish that the absence of the instant gratification of delicious, abundant food made up for it by an instant gratification of weight loss.
For a long time, calorie counting was a trigger for my bulimia. I'm worried that it still may be, but I've gained over 70 lbs since I stopped depending on purging to balance out my eating habits. I force myself to be content with my body aesthetically, but my complete lack of self control is something I want to change.
I worry that it won't be enough for me just to eat healthier if I don't see a dramatic weight loss, like I'm used to. I worry I'll either abandon my health goals and continue to decrease in basic fitness while I increase in weight, or I'll resort back to secret purging, destroying my esophagus, stomach, and throat further.
I want to be strong. I want to be fast. I want to be in control of my own body. I want to live a long and wonderful life with my beautiful fiance.
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269.0 lb
Lost so far: 3.0 lb.
Still to go: 109.0 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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Diet Calendar Entry for 30 October 2015:
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1727 kcal
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Fat: 92.86g | Prot: 94.42g | Carb: 120.15g.
Breakfast: Ham (Whole, Cured, Roasted), Fried Egg. Lunch: Beef Vegetable Stew Type Soup with Potato. Dinner: Skinless Chicken Breast, Good Sense Honey Roasted Sunflower Nuts, Parmesan Cheese (Shredded), Ocean Spray Craisins Dried Cranberries, Burgerville Litehouse Homestyle Ranch Dressing. Snacks/Other: Pop Weaver Extra Butter Microwave Popcorn. more...
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gaining 14.0 lb a week
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