TJHenggeler's Journal, 19 September 2022

Checking on you 

YFritz, how do you remember to ask such things?🥹. You are involved in so many conversations. I am doing OK. Can’t tell if I’m just unfeeling jerk or numb. I have moments chatting that I might get choked up, but no moments of all out emotion. I imagine that will happen when I least expect it. Logically I know he’s gone, but my mind still expects him to walk in the door, or want to call and share stuff. That will be the case for awhile. But thank you for asking. I am missing him.🙁 

You are my buddy TJ 

Thank you 😊 

YFritz, thought of you this evening during my ride to the airport. My Uber driver was a young Kenyan and she was playing some interesting South African music. Was call AMA Piano. Will need to look this one up. Hope you are well! Also, procedure on Monday is est. to start about 2 PM. 🤞🏻🤞🏻 

Oh TJ… are you sure you don’t want to reschedule the procedure? What does Mrs TJ say? Please do as Mrs TJ say, ok? Very sweet of you to remember me on your way to the airport with such cheerful music in the background🤣 A heavy heart is a funny thing, isn’t it? It distracts us with random, incongruous thoughts. All part of the shock and grief I suppose. I was somewhat like that too when I lost my mother. Please take care of yourself, it’ll get difficult for a minute. Eat something sweet🧁 (it helps!) 

Hope you and your family are doing well after your loss. We are here for you. 

Thank you HCB!  

YFritz, actually I will be fine. Heart is in a good spot though the Dr and attendants may hear a few things under anesthesia😆😂. Only issue is I am the third procedure of the day which will leave me spending the night🤦‍♂️. Oh well! Thank you for your concern and support. 

How r u doing TJ? I'm sure it's been a rough week hope your managing alright  

otb123. Have been doing well. Thank you for asking. Am going through a weird period though as in hind site I seem to be questioning things that will never be answered. That said, it too will pass. Again, Thank you for asking! 

Yfritz, appreciate the concern but postponing wouldn’t serve any purpose, but create more stress as I try to squish in a treatment when I’ll be focusing on the home. As I mentioned below am experiencing a weird phase questioning things post death, but no resolution will come so will need to get beyond. My Dad was cremated today. I wish I were there for one last goodbye but had to be here. It did allow me a moment to talk with my sister whom I’ve had a beef with. Hope springs eternal and maybe we can move forward. Anyway, enough of my familial dramas. Ha ha ha.  

I can’t say “TJ, don’t beat yourself up.” I respect your regret. I value it. The more regrets you have, the deeper your affection for your father is. Glad you and your sister made up. Promise me you eat well and rest well this week, easy for me to say, but it’s rather important to me that you keep yourself in good condition before the procedure. Yes it’s important to me. It’s always about me!🤣 You guys are 3 hours behind, I will be thinking about you at 5pm on Monday, Eastern Standard Time🤞🏻Everything will be okay buddy. 

YFritz I promise to take care and eat well the next few days. I had breakfast with my eldest daughter on Wed ( not too bad) and then my bro introduced me to a green chili burrito (Amazing 🌯) but I only had half, and then a wonderful Hazy beer, teriyaki chicken, rice and broccoli for dinnner with family. But then I went off the deepend at the airport. And yesterday wasn’t great, so will be better😉 Tonight will be protein, broccoli and rice. Have a great weekend!