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I lost some weight and got down into the 140s at some point, but many of the attempts, though serious in mind frame, have not happened physically, because although I have wanted to lose weight, I haven't been working out the way I should. I have been too overly focused on the nit picking of the food side of things that I am at the point of just throwing my hands up and saying enough with this.... because in the end everyone knows that real women don't poop and that sure as heck hasn't been applying to me, except for the constipating foods that have gone into my system.
So in essence, either I have to hunker down and buy a gym membership or purchase a used treadmill and install it in the house. But I think to myself, well maybe if you were more accepting of those sorts of lifestyle additions, you wouldn't have gotten fat in the first place, and in some ways I can apply that to myself in the more recent years, but in the earlier 2.5 years of the past three years of being fat, I can actually contribute the issues to the instable psyche of recovery from 7 years of on and off extreme raw food dieting, over exercising, that lead to anorexia and bulimia which was fine, until the amphetamine use destroyed my ability to think and lead to instability and then after stopping its use, I ended up binging and not exercising - I guess I was kind of tired of the crazies. But after gaining almost 60+ pounds I am now dealing with the crises of weight gain and the instability of that in regards to my health - with way too many immunological issues, which I had to start, and now excessive numbers of endocrinology issues to boot, and it is frustrating and annoying.
So, I don't mind getting excessively obsessed and crazy with exercise, because it will probably be the one thing that saves my life and currently, I have to deal with the embarassment of a fat body plodding along on a treadmill with the ripples of fat and the moments of being out of breath, and trying to avoid most food consumption as my parents continue to fatten and cattle prod themselves, thinking that their dietary choices will be the solution, even though they continue to sit on their asses, and in the end they are probably going to end up remaining fat, because they are taking the very sedentary route and the slow exercise root in the form of yoga, as opposed to stepping it up, committing to more anorexic tendencies, stopping the waste of money on buying food that just ends up as shit at the end of the day, and instead going full throttle and diving head first into the exercise that is needed.... (and if you can't tell from the tone of this that I am freaking pissed off... then I am just not as skilled with writing down my anger and sarcasm)
I am attempting to not return to those negative behaviors of drug use and excessive spending on food that turns to shit or vomit because of bulimia (even though I tend to get nicely sculpted abs form the vomiting and attempts to push out constipating foods) But I am also trying to retrain my response to annoying sounds like those of dishes and the smells of food, which are annoying as fuck.
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157.0 lb
Lost so far: 3.0 lb.
Still to go: 33.0 lb.
Diet followed poorly.
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gaining 0.0 lb a week
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