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I ate everything that came my way through the holidays and didn't gain an ounce, (still maintaining that 174, though), then started eating lots of nuts and going out for pizza and Mexican food, and munching on cheese with abandon -- and gained ten pounds just like that.
So I got totally disgusted with myself and decided to do, roughly, the Master Cleanse, which involves drinking some 1200 calories a day in lemonade made with maple syrup and spiced with cayenne pepper, and having nothing else but tea. And, bam, that ten pounds went away after four days. BUT, I knew that this was not genuine weight loss, and only a means of getting off my horrible feeding habits and back into my biggest pair of pants.
So, I was walking with my mom six days into the fast on lemonade and she asked me why I was doing it. I said, "Just to break my routine. Especially eating late at night. And it helps to remind me that I'm the one in control."
"You're always the one in control," she replied.
And I realized she was right. That even when I was standing at the refrigerator getting ready to slice off a couple ounces of cheese, I was the one doing it. I wasn't out of control at all. I was completely in control of making that choice to give myself that rush of pleasure that eating a hunk of cheese brings. And I was doing it fully aware that my body is designed to store excess food in the form of fat -- to the extent it is able -- and then it would start having trouble dealing with the excess, leading to disease. I was consciously choosing pleasure over health.
So I stopped doing the fast, and wrote out a credo that I read every morning and night.
1. I am in control.
It is false to say my eating is out of control. Except for involuntary muscles, I AM controlling all my behaviors -- including the choice to overeat.
2. I must plan ahead.
If I don't plan my meals, I will not be prepared to eat healthy foods when I get hungry.
3. I mustn't buy ready-to-eat products.
With the exception of fruits and vegetables, ready-to-eat food is tempting fate, making it easy to grab un-planned food. It is easy to predict you will get hungry, so be prepared with planned meals, not snacks.
4. I CAN sleep on an empty stomach.
Habitually eating for its narcotic effect at bedtime is not necessary. Take a sleeping pill if you simply can't doze off. Better yet, maintain an active lifestyle so you are tired at bedtime.
5. I will drink more water and tea.
Drinking unsweetened liquids helps an empty stomach feel less empty.
6. I enjoy being healthy and fit.
It's easier to climb stairs and do physical activity - clothes look better on me - I take pride in how I keep myself strong and healthy - I am less self-conscious - I am able to do more things before I get tired out - I have more energy when my body isn't bogged down trying to digest more than it can use.
7. I can watch a movie without eating anything.
Unconscious feeding does nothing but add unwanted calories for my digestive system to figure out how to eliminate. Take up knitting if you can't just sit and watch.
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174.0 lb
Lost so far: 0 lb.
Still to go: 49.0 lb.
Diet followed poorly.
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steady weight
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