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I hate my life. You know people have killed themselves over far less. But when you have grown up in a s*** life you don't kill yourself because it can only go up from there.
Sure I am losing weight, great, fun, Yay me! I have so much s*** going on right now and I took away my coping mechanism, I took away my eating of chocolate and over eating to help me numb the pain and replaced it with, NOTHING!!!
I am a failure. Complete failure. The one thing I thought I could do well was be a mom and I can't even do that. My 2 yr old doesn't listen to me at all. This morning she dug in her diaper and there was poop all over her room, herself, her clothes, then all over my steps. EVERYWHERE!!! I almost threw up. I had to not get the other kids breakfast and make them wait just so I could throw her in the tub and clean her up. So now they are all fed then my 2 month old needed fed, so it is after 11 and I have still not had any breakfast and all I want to do is eat the can of chocolate icing in my cupboard.
On top of all this I think I am feeling like this because of the fake hormones I am taking. I am having a problem and so the drs put me on them and ever since then, life sucks, all I see is stupidity and everything pisses me off. I am yelling all the time, I refuse to answer the phone and take calls from friends or family, I want no one over at my house, I am swearing non stop. I am mad all the time. This is NOT me. I was doing so well. Now all I want to do is figure out a way to end it all without causing pain to my family and friends.
I dont want to kill myself, I don't. I have 4 beautiful girls. I love them, but these pills are making me crazy. I need off of them, I need my medical issues to stop. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I want my life back. I want to be normal. I can't even enjoy the weight loss because of everything I am going through.
Tomorrow I see the dr and hopefully they can help and get me off of these damn pills. I want to enjoy life I want to live. Tomorrow, hopefully tomorrow all things will be better.
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215.0 lb
Lost so far: 39.0 lb.
Still to go: 57.0 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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Diet Calendar Entry for 20 January 2009:
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726 kcal
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Fat: 18.90g | Prot: 43.55g | Carb: 71.20g.
Breakfast: string cheese. Dinner: ketchup, stuffing, bottled water, bottled water, boneless skinless chicken breasts. Snacks/Other: granola bar. more...
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losing 2.3 lb a week
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 Comments
You are right. Tomorrow all things WILL be better!!! be sure and tell your doc all of the above. They can halp what we don't tell them.
20 Jan 09 by member: -JR-
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Call your doctor today, please. Ask if there is anything else you can take. Do you have a friend or family member who can care for the kids, even if it is only an hour or two? You seem so distraught. Can you sneak a hot bath in when the kids nap? Jog in place? Dance to music with your two year old? Use positive self talk...this too shall pass...Grant me the serenity...You made it through the breakfast mess and are still moving forward...
20 Jan 09 by member: jas218
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I am so sorry you are having a crappy day... Take a few deep breaths (AWAY FROM THE POOP) LOL!! and try to regain your composure. It sounds like your hormones have you screwed up (like you said). My now 7 YO ate his poop 2 days after he had all of his shots. I had to call my Dr. to see if he was going to be okay. My little one tore his diaper off so many times that I literally had to duct tape it!! No joke!! It worked, though. Tell the Dr. that this is seriously causing problems, and don't stop bugging them until you feel like you are doing better. We are here for ya!
20 Jan 09 by member: redone750
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i know the hormone issues...i just started my 5th type...keep trying until you find what works...DO NOT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING ELSE...
20 Jan 09 by member: veggies yuk
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hope everything goes well with the doctors. You have to look at all the great things in your life and be thankful they are there. They're making it all worth it. And find a new coping mechanism. You may not know what that is yet, but i bet eating is not that only thing that will make you feel better.
I hope to hear that you're doing better/well in the near future. Stay strong, luvly
20 Jan 09 by member: girlygirlatheart
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Thank you all so much for your support. My husband is coming home from work. I hate that he is, makes me feel like a huge failure. I am going to call my dr today and see if I should come in a day early. Hopefully there is something that can help. Thank you all for listening to me rant and rave.
20 Jan 09 by member: yogamama3
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You are never a failure when you recognize you needs and take care of them. Your husband sounds like a great guy to be there for you and support you. Keep your head up, girl!
20 Jan 09 by member: jas218
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The dr said STOP taking those pills, they are screwing me up. He also says I need surgery, so I have to have that until this all stops and until after the surgery I can't really exercise, ugh!!
20 Jan 09 by member: yogamama3
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Glad to hear the doctor listened to you and recognized the meds were not working for you. I don't suppose surgery will be fun but hopefully when all the medical stuff is under control you will be hungry for EXERCISE and taking care of the part of your health you can control 100% ie. what goes in your mouth and how much you move. Keep you spirits up! So you can be the best you you have.
21 Jan 09 by member: jas218
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i am so glad that you got answers that you could live with...surgery is never fun - however i was laid up after surgery this last summer adn with proper planning you can lose weight...i lost 5 pounds not moving off the couch except for the bathroom for 8 weeks
21 Jan 09 by member: veggies yuk
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