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I try so hard... I think my body wants to be fat. :P
(Ok so I'm not in a great mood about this right now..... possibly not the best time to journal. But I gotta get this outta my head.)
I try to eat healthy. I really do. We have been cheating a bit but overall everything is healthy and normal, and yet still no weight loss. Plus it's a LOT of effort for no payback, and it is getting supremely frustrating.
I really feel like the only way to lose weight is to drastically change my diet. That's the only way I have ever been successful. And yes, I know it has to be healthy but it's going to have to be serious. Like, no more BREAD (and other evil carbs). It's the bread, I know it. That means no burgers, no pizza, no white rice. I can have ONE slice of sprouted grain bread per day, so for one meal, and that's it. The rest vegetables. It's the only way I can do it. And it's So hard. Last time I did this was when I was unemployed and had a lot of time on my hands to cook meals all the time. I cooked lunch and brought it to my husband at work. I have been trying so hard to cook in the evenings and have stuff ready but I end up tired and wanting to relax. Bad, negative cycle. Now I'm afraid to exercise because of my knee injury, even though it's been healed for a few days now I still haven't been exercising. (And I was sooo positive and gung-ho about it all just a month ago.... sigh.)
I gotta get my shit together. I gotta stop *needing* so many things. I gotta start being more mature, and stop acting like a spoiled brat who drinks and smokes and parties all the time and doesn't give a shit about tomorrow. I have to be boring and grown up and when I feel like I want/need something (something bad like alcohol, ice cream, burgers, cookies, pop, all that bullshit) I have to pour myself a glass of sparkling water and lemon juice and tell myself to shut the f#$% up and stop being a f*#(ing brat.
I gotta quit drinking, too. It's probably what's making me fat, to be honest. A couple beers or a glass of wine two or three out of the five work days a week, and then getting smashed on both weekend days, what the hell is that about? My life is embarrassing, and I hide a lot of these details from everyone close to me (except my husband, he's just as bad as I am) and that's because it is embarrassing, and it is wrong, and I don't really know what's wrong with me that I keep doing this crap.
On a positive note, we have quit smoking and it's been 24 days. (I just had to figure that out, it's not like I've been counting the days.) So that's one thing we ARE doing right. Though I'm not that impressed because it was a stupid bad decision to start doing that in the first place and now I'm just back to normal, which isn't much of an accomplishment. But I have to be all proud of myself anyway, so I don't feel too negative about everything. It's one of the only successes I've had in my life lately.
So if I can quit smoking, I can quit drinking. It's a whole different monster, in my opinion, but it shows that I have willpower and that it's possible. The first step to it would be to admit to my parents and friends that I have a drinking problem and they can't let me drink anymore. Cuz I will go to my parents, have a beer or two, and then after that, they don't know that I have to go to the liquor store and buy 6 more. They think I can stop at those two. Most people can. But apparently I can't, and I have to start admitting that.
Holy s*$t this was a bit personal. I don't know if anyone read this far but hopefully it wasn't too weird to read this.
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183.0 lb
Lost so far: 22.0 lb.
Still to go: 28.0 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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Diet Calendar Entry for 22 May 2013:
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660 kcal
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Fat: 29.08g | Prot: 26.25g | Carb: 76.56g.
Breakfast: Half and Half Cream, Coffee (Brewed From Grounds), HapiFoods Skinny B cereal, Danone Oikos Key Lime Greek Yogurt. Lunch: Fruitopia Strawberry Passion Awareness, Grape Juice, Philadelphia Herb & Garlic Cream Cheese, Gold Seal Flaked Light Tuna Snack - Lemon & Pepper, Hickory Farms Olive Oil and Rosemary Crackers, Ranch Salad Dressing, Mixed Salad Greens, Instant Noodle Soup. more...
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gaining 0.9 lb a week
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 Comments
Hi! - I can totally relate. Pizza and beer are like my two favorite things, but the only way my body finally started getting rid of weight was to cut down on grains (bread, pasta, rice) and alcohol, and it's been a real struggle. But over time, I got used to it - I missed pizza a lot at first, but now I barely want it at all.
Also, if you don't feel like cooking dinner at night, I'd recommend a crockpot. I just throw a bunch of raw things in there in the morning and it's all ready by the time I get home from work.
Congrats on quitting smoking! That takes a ton of willpower and determination, which will definitely help with establishing other healthy habits too :)
22 May 13 by member: PepperMill
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I feel your pain. I was suppose to lose 30lb before my Vegas trip the end of May, But guess what its the end of May in a week and I lost 0lbs. I think I may even put on a couple more. I just cant seem to stay motivated. I love to eat and its all the bad food. I exersice for a couple of days and fall off the wagon. I like to commend you on stopping the smoking. Hope you get the motivation back and when you do can you send some my way...LOL
22 May 13 by member: JETAONER
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@PepperMill - Hi! Wow it seems like we are totally in the same boat.
Thank you! Quitting smoking was hardest in the first week, but after that it was a lot less difficult. The only thing that is frustrating now is when I smell other people smoking, it smells gross but it makes me want to have some. So I hold my breath! :D
Is there like a healthy alternative to pizza that would work... I'm seriously addicted to it.... it's so delicious and convenient. But, in theory, if there's very little cheese, no meat (or very little), and lots of veggies, it's just the bread that's bad, am I right? I should do some googling on "healthy pizza".
So has cutting down on breads and alcohol helped you lose weight? I think I could do it if I know it will work!
22 May 13 by member: wolfsage
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@JETAONER - Thank you, I will try to send some motivation your way!! I totally know what you mean, actually I was in the same situation in December, trying to lose weight before going to Vegas! But I didn't, and I actually gained a bunch after that..... but there's such a strong urge to lose weight before a vacation because you know you will be sharing the photos with all your friends and family. That's the hardest part! Plus they say stress is really bad for you, worse than a lot of bad food, so you don't want to stress too much about falling off the wagon. But if you don't stress about it.... then where is the motivation to stick with it? That stress helps motivate... but I think it damages your mind and body. So how do we win in this situation? I wish I could re-train my brain to LOVE healthy food and LOVE exercise, but I only *like* healthy food, LOVE bad food, and I dislike exercise.... even hate it sometimes. We need hypnotism or something!! LOL
22 May 13 by member: wolfsage
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@wolfsage Not going to lie, I haven't found a healthy version of pizza crust that I like. Of course, 100% whole wheat crust is always going to be a better option, so I try to go with that and just have it in moderation. But yeah, cutting down on grains and alcohol has been pretty much the only thing that has worked for me (plus adding two shots of organic, unfiltered apple cider vinegar a day). I have polycystic ovary syndrome which affects my insulin and blood sugar levels, so even one bowl of pasta will spike my weight out of control. I'd say just give it a try and see how you feel - Good luck! You can do this! :)
22 May 13 by member: PepperMill
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It's nice to see that I am not the only one who struggles. I am going to send positive vibes your way!
23 May 13 by member: Zoimache
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@PepperMill - you drink two shots of apple cider vinegar a day?! How does that taste, and what benefits does it have? My curiousity is picqued, but I'm afraid of the taste of vinegar :D
03 Jun 13 by member: wolfsage
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I totally know how you feel on the food thing. Although I rarely drink anymore, I was just like you. Im in my late 30's so I dont so much crave alcohol like I used to. I quit smoking after nearly 20 years this past january, and that has been a struggle. Don't short yourself on that accomplishemnt, because it is an addiction like anything else. I had to make a drastic change. I went 100% raw vegan. No cooked foods whatsoever. That limits everything you eat so drastically. No bread, no refined sugar, no animal products, nothing. I eat only things that were grown from the earth, never processed or preserved, never cooked... and boy is it a hard thing to do. We all have tendancies to be addicted to, or be obsessed with different things... the main reason we are here is because most of us are addicted to food. We have all hidden it before, and some still do. Don't be ashamed. Shame just gives you a reason to find new ways to hide it, and all that does is causes the problem to get worse. I have gotten to points were I want food so bad, that I shake and cry, and I have on several occations broken down and eaten. I can say no easier than say I'm going to eat just a little. Once I taste the food, I wont stop until its all gone. And then I want more. I'm such a pig. There are raw vegan recipes for pizza, and just about anything really, but its not ever going to replace the real thing. I love the crazy things I've come up with to replace cooked food, but every time I eat, I cant help but think how the real version tastes so much better... then I compare numbers. Thats what keeps me motivated. I look at the fat and calories for a raw meal, compared to its real counterpart, and I realize I can eat WAYYYY more on my diet than anyone elses. I think that want for bad food will always be there, though.
03 Jun 13 by member: Vickiauntmick
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@Vickiauntmick - Thank you!! And congratulations on your quitting smoking as well! That is the best thing you can do for your health...
Wow it sounds like you really changed eating habits around! I don't know if I'm ready to go raw but I love your motivation! When did you start eating only raw vegan? Have you found that it has helped you lose weight, and do you feel healthier? I am leaning towards going vegetarian as a start, and see myself going vegan in the future, but I want to start small so I don't set myself up for failure by changing things too drastically.
Doesn't real food just TASTE so much better than crap food, though? I think junk food is like cigarettes, we are addicted to the feeling we used to get when we ate it, but once you eat it you just feel crappy and bad and it doesn't really taste as good as you remember... like a cigarette, you crave it and then when you have one, it's gross and makes you feel sick!! It's not all your mind remembers, your mind makes things rosier than they were because of nostalgia. So maybe those cooked pizzas your mind remembers to be so delicious are actually gross and greasy compared to the yummy fresh foods you have been eating now!
03 Jun 13 by member: wolfsage
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@wolfsage It tastes disgusting! haha. I experimented a little bit, and finally found that mixing it with a full glass of water and a couple packets of Splenda makes it better. I guess I got used to it, though. I've been taking it for about a month now, and I've noticed my skin is a lot clearer, my appetite is a little more suppressed, and when I "cheat" on my diet, the consequences aren't as drastic. (Basically, if I eat really poorly for a day, I'll only gain half a pound instead of 2.5 pounds, which is what used to happen before the ACV.) I'd say give it a shot! It has to be unfiltered, with "the mother" in order to have the benefits. Here's an awesome article that spells it out: http://www.eatingbirdfood.com/2012/02/health-benefits-of-apple-cider-vinegar-acv/
03 Jun 13 by member: PepperMill
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Ugh, sorry, I guess it didn't let me post the article. I'll message it to you.
03 Jun 13 by member: PepperMill
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That sounds really interesting! I don't mind bad tastes if I know that it's going to help me... ESPECIALLY my skin!! I have been dealing with skin problems consistently since I was 16. If anything can help me there, I'll try it! I believe I found the article you mentioned by searching the website you linked to.. the article was titled: Health Benefits of Apple Cider Vinegar (ACV). I'll give it a read and let you know!!
03 Jun 13 by member: wolfsage
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I just wanted to check, are you drinking straight shots?
Thank you!! I'm checking out the article you linked (it was the right one that I found when I checked your message!!), as well as others, and I'm "drinking it up" ;) I think I'm going to have to give this a shot!
Have you heard of Tone it Up? The girls on there recommend a drink called Meta-D and there's another one called Bombshell Spell, that both have apple cider vinegar... I'm trying to track down the receipes. http://toneitup.com/blog.php?L-VE-Your-Body-with-Apple-Cider-Vinegar-5-Reasons-We-Can-rsquo-t-Live-Without-It-5690
03 Jun 13 by member: wolfsage
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Sometimes I drink straight shots when I'm short on time, but usually I like to mix 2 tablespoons in a large glass of water with 2 packets of Splenda and ice. (ACV is really bad for your tooth enamel, so if you take a straight shot, make sure to rinse afterward.) I'm checking out this Tone it Up site... it looks interesting! I found a link on Livestrong for a Meta-D recipe, I'll message it to you - I should start incorporating cayenne and cinnamon into my routine as well.
04 Jun 13 by member: PepperMill
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I joined the free mailing list for Tone it up and believe me, it's worth it! They are so inspirational, and help you get your butt in gear, though I haven't purchased their meal plan or anything from them, I still get a lot out of the website. I would eventually love to get some of their Perfect Fit Protein powder because it's raw, vegan, organic, non-GMO... pretty much perfect to throw into a smoothie or salad to add some healthy protein. I LOVE their workouts, too, they are always workouts you can do with just handweights. I add cinnamon to my coffee every morning now, just started a couple weeks back but it's my way of getting that dose of antioxidants. Do you drink coffee? How about tea? I have also been getting into a lemon water kick, it seems to help me drink a lot more water, I guess because it's not so boring? (First world problems...)
04 Jun 13 by member: wolfsage
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