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why do i keep trying and failing? why is dieting so hard? i beat myself up over these questions for sooooo long. and of course things keep happening in life. good things. bad things. either way, all these THINGS get in the way of dieting. i had made a new years resolution to not get on the scale. and i didn't for about 5 months. it made me really really happy because i wasn't constantly worried about a number. but at the same time, i definitely did gain weight. i really started to see that. so when i went on the scale to see how much, i was shocked. i was up at 160. that's the heaviets i've ever been. i started weight watchers again, just doing it on my own. but i still couldn't stick with it longer than 3 weeks. i couldn't really figure out why, either. this whole summer i decid3ed to walk everywhere tho. i don't own a car, and i didn't buy a bus pass. so my only option was to walk. and i think that really helped, but it just wasn't enough for me. so i sat down and looked at how i viewed weight loss. i came to realize that i didn't just like food. i had an addiction. i would eat for no reason, and i would eat way after i felt full, just because i liked the taste. i always had an exucse to just have one more bite. and everything was about instant gratification for me. if i wanted a pint of ice cream, i walked down to the store and i got a pint. and i ate the whole thing. being active helped keep me from being super obese, but i am overweight and it's not healthy. i realized that all the "moderate diets" just won't work for me. i can't give myself the option of eating whatever i want as long as i control portions, because i simply can't control my portions. but food isn't like drugs or cigarettes. you can't just quit cold turkey. you need food to survive, and food is EVERYWHERE. i listened to my friend who gave up sugar, and he said it was SUPER hard for 2 weeks, but then the cravings just started to go away. this is what helped me realize my problem: cravings. so i'm doing slim fast for now. on the practical side of things, i save a lot of money on groceries because i buy a pack of shakes and those are my meals for breakfast and lunch. i think i need to continue doing this diet until i reach a point where i can look at food and say, "yes, i know that tastes good. but just because it's available, doesn't mean i NEED it." and when i reach that point, where i feel that i have control over myself, then i can reassess ad start branching out into more moderate diets.
but the insane thing is, i feel so much healthier on this. i eat the shakes, and i eat fruits. and sometimes i "over-eat" on this plan, but i don't feel guilty. i eat extra food sometimes, but i eat grapes, or peas, or an apple, or yogurt. i tell myself, "if you're really hungry, then go have some carrots. if you don't want to eat those, then you're not really hungry." and that's true. right now i'm adjusting my attitude towards food, and i'm fiding other things to do besides eat. if i'm bored, i'll go to the store or go do laundry or go to the library, instead of just sitting around and eating. it's been one week of doing this, and already there have been so many changes. my body can't handle digesting greasy food anymore, I have lost some weight, i feel healthy when i eat all these fruits and vegetables, and my stomach is actually looking flatter.
so my plan is to try to stay active, reach for the apple instead of the cookie, and realize that i am breaking my addiction. it doesn't seem like much, but to me it has been a lot. so i'm realistically optimistic about this, and i'm ready to begin week 2 of my new lifestyle.
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