mrsmacg2012's Journal, 02 July 2012

Yesterday I had the burst of confidence that I needed followed by some much needed retail therapy.

I suffer from Bipolar and the last few weeks has been hell as far as a depressive episode is concerned. I hit rock bottom on Friday and after a frank but needed shouting match. I realised that I really do need help becuase the strain it is putting on my marriage is about to break it. Its the last thing my partner and I want but I don't think the poor guy can deal with it anymore. Its too much for him to take on and I've been in denial a LONG time about any of our problems.

I had a good weekend spending it with him and family and just having fun again with his cousins kids and I'm finally getting my maternal feet.

Then yesterday I weighed in at 79.8kg. I've not been in the 70s since some point in 2007 - before I was diagnosed. It has been a long hard struggle to get back down here from nearly 100kg - a weightloss journey that I began at the start of this year.

So now that I'm smaller I went through trying on all of my clothes to find the only ones which fit are the 3 new pieces I bought this weekend. Size 12 jeans (I could go tighter on the legs and bum but my tummy says no but I'll lap it up right now as I've never been a 12 since I was in Year 9 at school), a medium tunic and a medium bodycon dress. I'm in denial at being a medium clothes size but its reality and I'm going to chuck out all the rubbish in my wardrobe as part of fixing my head.

But then again this morning I was so not feeling it about getting out of bed and going to the gym. I did it anyway but only spent a half hour there instead. No point flogging a dead horse. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. I'm going for a walk too at lunch just to clear the noggin and keepp going.

175.9 lb Lost so far: 4.9 lb.    Still to go: 10.6 lb.    Diet followed reasonably well.

---

1345 kcal

Fat: 27.23g | Prot: 60.87g | Carb: 217.39g.   Breakfast: Baked Beans, poached egg, white bread. Lunch: thai red curry, white rice. Dinner: Sweet Chilli Stir Fry Sauce, lamb rolled roast, penne pasta cooked. Snacks/Other: semi skim milk, cadbury hot chocolate, dried apricots, Fat Free Boysenberry Yogurt, granny smith apple, banana, strawberries. more...

2941 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Housework - 1 hour, Exercise machine (fast) - 5 minutes, Stepper Machine - 10 minutes, Bicycling (fast) - 15/mph - 15 minutes, Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 30 minutes, Sleeping - 6 hours, Resting - 6 hours, Driving - 1 hour and 30 minutes, Desk Work - 8 hours and 30 minutes. more...