HerStrawberri's Journal, 21 April 2012

My body is going through some weird flucuations. Last Sunday I stepped on the scale and it said I weighed 261. I was like WTF! I knew I didn't eat the best on sat, BUT, I also know i didn't eat 10 lbs worth of crap either. LOL. Today the scale said 253. and that's even with my TOM. SOOo, I'm not to worried about it. I might of been retaining some water or something. It's funny, the lower my weight gets, the harder it is to lose. I guess that makes sense, as when you are heavier, you use more energy and burn more cals. I haven't been exercising as much lately either, due to school and my GF has a new crazy schedule that I'm just NOT liking nor am i getting used to it. I never see her anymore and it's really affecting me. I'm glad I have school to keep me busy or I would prob be a sad lump right now.

School has been going really well. Except for Chem. I have 8 more Chem classes left and I'm counting them down. i have come to realize my teacher is what's making it hard for me as I have gone to a diff Chem instructor for help and when she explains it to me...it makes perfect sense and I don't feel like such an idiot. I got an A on my research paper in English which made me VERY happy! I did it on Joyce carol oates and it was very interesting looking into her books and her life. I'm getting A's in all my classes except Chem. Chem is a B-. I'm holding strong with that B. I'm going to try my best to get it up to an A. the teacher said if we get an A on our final, we get an A for the class. SOooo, that's what I'm shooting for. holy studying. LOL.

I got my hair done yesterday. I *think* I like it...but the verdict is still out. I really like the color but not so sure about the cut. It sorta looks like my old cut. i thinkw hen i go back in June for my touch up on color, I'm going to do something totally different.

I'm getting really lonely. I really need to make some friends. It's so hard mak8ing friends at school though. Most of the girls there are so....IDK.....young?? LOL...does that make any sense?? I'm at a totally different place in my life then most of them are. It's my fault, though, because I have totally isolated myself and can't seem to break out of that cycle. It's just so hard with never seeing my GF anymore. I honestly have NO ONE to talk too. I have this site and MFP. How sad is that??? I used to have so many friends. I just got really hurt by them and now I'm afriad to open myself up to new friends. I'm so pathetic. LOL. It just would be nice to have someone to go shopping with or get my nails done with...or someone to just talk about stupid stuff with...like TV shows or celebrities or magizines or something. When I try to talk about that stuff with my GF...she tries so hard to stay interested...LOL....but her eyes glaze over and she totall checks out. I don't blame her though...she isn't into that crap. But she tries so hard with me. Again, though, this is my fault. I get scared though. Like, last weekend, we went out and this girl was there that I'm sorta friends with and she had posted on FB how she needed to go shopping for new clothes so that night I told her that I would go shopping with her...and she just said....well, I don't really wanna go. Ok, so you just posted you need new clothes but NOW u don't wanna go? i felt like it was me. So i didn't say anything else about it and really felt totally stupid for even bringing it up. that's how I feel alot when I try to open myself up. IDK.

Sorry for the long journal. I just have so much insdie me that I haven't been able to talk about lately.

I had to go to my new school yesterday and i totally loved it. the atmosphere is SO much better there vs the school I'm in now. I really think it's going to be a much better fot for me. harder. much harder, but BETTER. they really focus on YOU, the student. It feels really good to know that I'm really securing a good future for myself.

Anyway, I guess that's all for now. thank you for taking the time to read this.