HerStrawberri's Journal, 21 August 2011

So a very bad thing happened today. I had it out with the evil MIL. I honestly just lost it. I feel so incredibly bad. not because I stood up for myself, but because, now, my P is going to have to take the brunt of her psychotic behavior. I'm literally crying as I'm tying this. Doesn't help I'm freaking PMSing in a major way. This is how it went down.....UMMmmm...please don't hold this against me people. I have been taking this crazy ladys crap for 6 freaking years. Not to mention the horrible things she has done to my P.

Ok so, let me set the stage. I wake up and I can tell I'm ultra sensitive today. So I KNOW that I prob shouldn't be in any high stress situations or it might not turn out well. SOooo, my P says her mom is going to go grocery shopping with us. No biggie. I can handle that. So we leave and go get her. ( she follows us in her car. why didn't she just ride with us? I have NO freaking clue) We get to Super walmart. Once inside she starts making these comments that just start irritating the holy piss out of me. So i start getting snappy. I honestly didn't realize just HOW snappy I was being. BUT my P pulled me aside and asked me if I was ok. Blah Blah Blah. Fast forward. We are done at walmart and go into sams to get meat. we are done with that and my P wants Sonic so we go there. She follows us and she gets in our truck. My p has to park her car because she is a freaking invalid and as SOON AS SHE GETS IN THE F'N TRUCK she makes a comment about how fat I am. She compared me to her 'very fat sister'. Word for freaking word. Says we are the 'same size'. SO I proceed to get really pissed off. But I let it go. my P gets in the truck and we or they get food. i don't eat. So a few minsutes pass and she says it a-freaking-gain. This time my P was like....what in the HELL does that mean? and she goes on with some stupid crap. So by then, I'm super dooper pissed. A few mins later she decides she is going home, she gets out and walks around to her car, she gives my P her shake because she doesn't want it in her 'brand new car' and since we have a 'piece of shit truck' we should take. SO I grabbed the stupid shake and jump out of the truck to throw it away. Why couldn't she? I have no freaking clue. So, as I'm walking back, I here my P's voice kind of raised and heard the EMIL slam her door. I jump in the truck and ask what happened. My P kept saying nothing. She backed out and said she was bitching about me. SO, FS buddies, I competely lost it. I told my P to stop the truck and I jumped out and ran up to her passanger side door and out came some of the most horrible stuff. At first I told her to stop being so f'n mean and it escalated from there. She called me a fat ass like a million times, told me to get a job, and on and on it went. If you can picture it, Me yelling at this toothless, shaved head women. I was calling her a pill popping crack head, and countless other things. It was so BAD.

I am NOT a mean person. In fact, i have spent many years letting people walk the F*CK over me. I go out of my way for this crazy women. I'm just so freaking upset. Why does she have to be so mean to me? I have done nothing but HELP her crazy ass. Go get her groceries. take her to DR's appts. I just don't know what I have ever done to her to deserve this crap.

She then calls my P and just goes off about me. saying I'm too quiet and don't talk to her and I'm stuck up and all this mean stuff. I'm quiet because I'm just F'N QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!m You can't get a freaking word in edge wise with her. All she talks about is herself. How can someone talk shit about someone being to F'N QUIET!!!!!!!!!!

I'm just so upset. I vented to my mom and she was so shocked I went off on her like that. My mom feels terrible that someone was so abusive. My mom has no clue how this lady is or what she has done to my P.

So the crazy women is NOT welcome in my home. I yelled that as my P was on the phone with her. NOT mature. I know. None of this is mature. I just couldn't take it anymore.

I know this was a total ramble. I'm sorry. I'm just so freaking upset. Oh and I forgot one thing. THIS I'm VERY sorry about. As i was yelling at her through her window, i picked up her purse and was going to throw it at her, BUT I DIDN'T and I put it back down. I honestly don't think i have ever been so mad at someone that I've wanted to throw an object at them. NOT MY FINEST HOUR.

I want to be a f'n nurse and if I would of assulted this crazy women she would of pressed charges against me ans here coems the freaking felony.

SO. Here I am, typing this to you guys because I'm a total loser and have no friends IRL. My P had to go over to her house because she claims I broke her window when i reached in and grabbed her purse. i didn't touch the stupid freaking window.

I'm just so sad. =(

Diet Calendar Entries for 21 August 2011:
644 kcal Fat: 37.12g | Prot: 69.20g | Carb: 5.48g.   Breakfast: hard boiled egg whites. Dinner: Mayonnaise, sentry 90% lean hammy, cottage cheese. more...
3425 kcal Activities & Exercise: Resting - 16 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...


You might feel bad now, but as time passes, you'll see it as the best thing that ever happened. It will get her out of your lives and reduce your stress overall. I've had to deal with immature relatives of my hubby, and cutting them out of our life was the best thing I ever did! 
21 Aug 11 by member: BrandyRelaxing
Well it took you a long time, with years of abuse from this horrible old miserable woman. I am sorry but there is no reason for her to keep abusing you, as Brandy says this is probably the best thing that could have happened, you don't have to pretend anymore. The less contact you have with her the better. But it is her, not you, I am just surprised you took so long to fight back. She doesn't deserve your sorrow. Just know you don't have to live with this awful woman, but she does, just imagine that........Best of luck and a better time for you and your P without getting involved with the old misery.... 
21 Aug 11 by member: Yvonne19
What a horrible woman. Don't feel bad. It sounds as if you've been through the fire with your MIL and there's always a breaking point. And this broken window thing sounds like a way for her to try to reassert control over your P and make you the bad guy. Sucky. Take care, love. xx 
21 Aug 11 by member: ferlengheti
First of all Dawn...you are far from a loser, so stop saying that. Second it sounds like this lady had it coming, you have had a few posts on here about this woman and she sounds like a big piece of work. I am sorry you are going through this right now ~hugs~ take it easy girl. 
21 Aug 11 by member: pixidaisy
wow. she sounds like a real piece of work. Let me tell you if anyone called me a fat ass even just once, I would lose it. No one has the right to say that to anyone else. And you are not a loser. Do not let this low-life of a woman make you feel like that (or any person for that matter). Your P seems like he has your back, which is an amazing thing. Hope you're feeling better :) 
21 Aug 11 by member: ADobs
Um, ya know what, it sounds like whatever you gave this nutbag when you were going off on her, she TOTALLY had coming. I know you feel really crappy about it because normal people don't like to "go there" with anyone, but clearly she doesn't know how to deal with people respectfully & your P is aware of that. You were well within your rights to call her all kinds of B's & H's, & I applaud your restraint. This may not help at all, but when I think about people who have been hateful towards me for no apparent reason, it becomes obvious that they are behaving that way because of their own "stuff." I've had it out with some of my in-laws & every one of them had WAY more problems than whatever they were pissed at me about. Everyone has "stuff" to deal with & some of us handle it better than others. Being on the receiving end of someone who isn't handling their own is shytty but believe me when I say it's NOT ABOUT YOU. You just happened to be there at the time & showed her you were on edge (i.e. vulnerable) & she took it as an opportunity to unload some of her crap on you. You are a wonderful, sweet, caring & beautiful person. Don't give her the power to change the way you view yourself. She is NOBODY. (((((((((hugs))))))))) 
21 Aug 11 by member: kstubblefield
Wow. I can't even fathom someone being so mean, on purpose. Clearly she has noticed you have lost weight, but for whatever reason, maybe she is jealous of you and your P's relationship? I agree with Kat, it was NOT about you, but her own insecurities and hopefully it only makes you and your P closer. (((((HUGS)))) 
21 Aug 11 by member: kcook323
I am proud of you for standing up for your self EMIL suck!!!! I have one at my house right now :( I am so sorry that you had to put up with that abuse - you deserve much better.  
21 Aug 11 by member: krystynecar
And just to back up the fact that it's not about you, there was one part I'd like to quote, "...saying I'm too quiet and don't talk to her and I'm stuck up". That part is telling, that she can sense your distance. But instead of trying to connect with you, she does what she was probably taught in her life and that's bash. Sounds to me like she has her own deep insecurities that she fortifies by making other people targets instead of her. Self-inflating if you will. Sorry that you and your P had to go through that, and will deal with the aftershocks. Hope the light of day makes things clearer for you and you can pull value from it. Personally, I'd use her words to make me more determined to reach my goals. ;) Hope you two have a better day. 
22 Aug 11 by member: nolechick
Thank you SO MUCH everyone! Reading all of these wonderful words really helped. Turns out the window was NOT broken. i think she just wanted my P to go over there so she could bash me some more. Which she did. But my P stood up for me and basically told her how it is. So many of you hit it right on the head with her being miserable and bitter. She is. I honestly feel really bad for her. What it must feel like inside to really KNOW that NO ONE wants to have anything to do with you. She fights with everyone. Pushes everyone away. She doesn't want anyone to be happy. It's like the happier you are, the meaner she gets. i don't think i will ever understand WHY she is so mean, and that's ok. I will NEVER understand complete MEAN. My P says sometimes that I'm really niaeve because I always give people the benifit of the doubt and I want to BELIEVE that everyone has goodness inside of them. I really do. BUT, NOT HER. For someone to have so much HATRED inside of them is just totally beyond me. One of the biggest things she says about me is that I'm TOO sensitive. What I say to that? SO F'N WHAT. I still FEEL and CARE. I NEVER want that taken away from me. AND, i REALLY don't think hearing over and over how fat I am and getting upset about it makes me F'N untra sensitive!!!!!!!!!! Honestly, F*CK her. I'm so mad that I let her do that to me. I'm so mad that I honestly FEEL BAD that I said all of that crap to her. I mean seriously, WHY SHOULD I FEEL BAD WHEN SHE SO FREAKING DESERVED IT!!!!! Simple answer. Because that's what makes me, me. =( I'm still sad today. But it is what it is. I will get over it. Thank you ALL for what you said. You guys have really become so very important to me.  
22 Aug 11 by member: HerStrawberri


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