HCB's Journal, 07 May 2015

Happy Birthday! Sorry for your husbands attitude :(. You have the perfect right to RANT about it. But, I would confront him and tell him how you feel and why you feel that way.  

Agreed, shame on him, every year spent together for a bday is a milestone, we are not guaranteed tomorrow, live for today is my slogan. 

oh btw A Very Happy Belated Birthday to you!!  

You always have the right to feel how you feel. From what you said, you expressed exactly what you wanted from your husband. And it was up to your husband to decide if the relationship was worthy enough to follow through. He decided it wasn't. Sometimes other people do not understand how we want to be loved, and it sounds like your husband is hearing "I wanted a party" so he says, throw it yourself. No big deal to him, it's just a party. However, what you really said was "I want you to show me how much you care about me, this day is very important to me. I want you to make me feel important". Talk to him about why you feel hurt and explain to him that it wasn't the party that you ultimately wanted, but his attention, acknowledgement, and love. I hope you feel better soon! <3 

Yes you have every right. I understand because I am married to "that kind" as well. But then, maybe he'll make up for it in some way. Mine never fails to surprise me when I'm least expecting it.  

Glad to know I will be dealing with the same BS 25 years from now! :) You would have to do the planning for him and then give him all the credit for the plan in order for the next birthday to work out. Men need step-by-step instructions and apparently don't age like fine wine :) My advice to you would be to have a belated birthday- do whatever the heck you want and drag him along- here are some suggestions: ballet, opera, all day shopping at the mall, a nice big meal at YOUR favorite restaurant or even better, dinner theatre! :) If he dares complain, give him a major guilt trip and tell him this is why you wanted him to plan it! Look forward to a small kind gesture in the near future: he'll buy you your favorite cookies or do the dishes and expect tons of glory for it. It's never enough- hang in there!!! 

You do have a right to be hurt and angry, and I agree with Midnightoil--talk to him so that he understands how you feel. But you should also have a Plan B that will bring you some joy instead of totally depending on someone else to do it (decades of experience speaking here). It's painful when people don't meet our expectations, but you have someone you can always depend on--YOU! So have the conversation with him, then meet up with a girlfriend, or go buy yourself something you've always wanted, or do something you've always wanted to do. Celebrate yourself!  

Another view: IMHO - Don't base your happiness on your expectations from another, husband or otherwise. It is unfair to ask to be surprised by him. You may wind up with a shop full of tools, or a stuffed elephant head. You will always be disappointed and the significant other will live in fear of disappointing or living with the folly of buying an elephant head. 

That is indeed an important milestone birthday, and the fact that he ignored your mention of it and hope for something planned is cause for dissappointment... I can fully understand that. I feel that you did have a reason to feel hurt and sad... I'm going through some of the same issues with my fiance... we've been a couple for 7 yrs now, and he expects me to do all the planning for anything, he never plans anything special and anytime I make mention of something I'd like to do, he never takes it upon himself to actually make a plan for us to do what I mention. Sometimes when I mention something it's even worse - like "WHY do you want to do that?" when it's even something very simple such as visiting a park or taking a small day trip somewhere. Something that would not involve spending a lot of money. He never even buys me a card on special occasions, and I've just come to accept the fact that he's a man and he's never going to have this "romantic" side that I somehow magically dreamed up my significant other would have. That's a whole other subject though, and I could have my own big 'ol rant over that! 

I think you have a right to be hurt and angry, you wouldn't have done him that way knowing it was important to him. However, my husband is the exact same type. If I don't plan it myself then it doesn't happen. Hell, one year I didn't even get a cake because I didn't pick one up or bake one for myself. *sigh* Perhaps plan a special day, your ideal day, within the next couple weeks to celebrate your birthday the way you had imagined. You deserve it, and nobody said we aren't allowed do-overs. Hope you have a better day today, and Happy belated birthday.  

Don't feel bad, my husband wont plan anything either. He is thoughtful and kind, but wants me to do all the thinking. Don't get your feelings hurt, that is just the way he is.  

Happy bday, some men are like that. They don't like planning stuff, don't get upset about it. Since he didn't change so far and he is probably your age he won't change now either. You take him as he is and love him anyway. 

As a guy sometime you have to be blunt and tell us what you want, I am not trying to defend your Dear Hubby, just trying to give you a different point of view. I am sorry he didn't do anything spectacular for you.  

Well Happy Birthday! I'm sorry your hubby didn't plan anything for your 60th. I think with men you have to tell them exactly what's what. And my husband doesn't plan anything either. I have to make all the decisions. Although if you did ask him to plan something and he didn't you have every right to be angry and upset. 

My husband is the same way. I really think it's just a man thing. They don't get our minds AT ALL. And sadly, you have to tell them exactly what to do or they just don't think to do it. Happy birthday though! Tell him to make it up to you by taking you out for a nice dinner, or a movie? 

be grateful you have your husband lost mine 10 yrs. ago and would be grateful to still have him with me. 

Happy belated Birthday hun. I agree with everyone you had every right to be hurt, and it seems to be a man thing. My husband forgot valentines day then bought me a necklace and gave it to me at Easter, and then told me it was for Valentines day, Easter and Mother's Day. Men you can't live with them and you just can't shoot them LOL. 

Happy Birthday!!  

I am sorry your husband disappointed you on your birthday. Please rant all you need to! My husband has recently been so overworked, even compared to his usual workaholic self. When I sent him a text to tell him I had ordered spa baskets for his mom & stepmom for Mother's Day, he actually replied, "Why don't you order one of those for yourself while you are at it?"! I was so irritated! Then I ordered some new shoes and the new lamps I like for the guest room! :) I don't think he meant to be so thoughtless, but it sure didn't come across well!  

Happy Birthday! So sorry your hubby let you down. I don't blame you for being hurt and disappointed. :-(