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When the heck did Thursday, May 1st get here? Seems like I was just sitting here trying to come up with a really cool prank for April Fool's Day. Which - was priceless, at least to an excitement deprived person like me. I found an online site with wavs of slot machines and would play them while phoning different people and telling them I was at a nearby casino and just got married. Then I'd fake 'bad cell phone reception' and hang up. Blondie's response was less than congratulatory. Imagine that. Nonetheless - all things food, non sleeping activity, active participation in the no scale challenge - all about the same. I'm a little bit hungry right now but can't figure out what I want. I have been talking myself out of ordering pizza for a month now. I'm wondering if I should just do it, get it over with, and spend the rest of the week doing an oil pulling to get that greasy residue out of my mouth. Mushy had a sleep over last night. Stick brought his little dog, Pepper, by so they could play. Not! Mushy has confirmed she's a dog after my own heart beginning with a reluctance to share her favorite toy (me) her food (even more selfish) or the attention of anyone alive within 50 miles. They finally both settled down in the recliner with me... on opposite sides. So in the 'sleep over' scoring column it's Mushy 1, Bella zero. That's just fine too. A comment on Yo's journal this morning triggered a thought ala the reluctance with which we believe the compliments and flattery. Who did that to us? Or why did we do it to ourselves? What happened to us that made us think we were un-lovea-ble, un-like-able, unworthy of praise, admiration, or fans? Surely to goodness this CANNOT be all related to carrying around extra weight!?! Where is that natural delusions of grandeur everyone else in the world seems to have been born with and retained as they grew up?? I know my Grandmother had a hand in the destruction of my self confidence. Even my Mother, a woman so horrid I thought the movie 'Mommie Dearest' was a comedy, was shocked by some of the things my GM would say. "I don't know why that person likes Bella..." and MD commented 'why wouldn't they?' Someone must have told 'her' (GM) she was unloveable too and she carried it forward. Just a thought. Nonetheless, I'm trying to get thru my days with a little more 'belief' the compliments are genuine and sincere. Doing a bit of Stuart Smalley daily affirmations. Thinking about it ... So WHAT if I'm a little over the top? What if people start thinking I'm a bit 'fulla' myself. I am on the downward slide of life (or as they labeled it at my 50th Birthday "over the hill" ) anyway so it's about freaking time I had a little confidence about myself. Even if this one comes via 'fake it til I make it'. I'm getting much better about NOT deflecting compliments with arguments. Geez, what better way to make people stop giving me a gift other than refusing it. I may not even arm wrestle for a few checks at dinner a while. Time to cash in on the love and adoration. *snort* Need to get the *snort* under control though. Grace is taking me to 'high tea' at a fancy schmancy hotel this Saturday. I've been practicing my 'pinky in the air' tea sip for two days. Now if I can just master the 'not dropping finger sandwiches in my lap' or 'not yawning with food in my mouth' moves. It sounds like a snore. But she's gone along with enough of my 'ideas' I need to honor this one even if it does require wearing shoes. Had a fabulous deep tissue massage yesterday ((even fell asleep during some of it)) and slept wonderful last night. Wish I had the time and resources to get that two - three times a week. I am truly recognizing just how tightly I've been wound for far too many years. I truly recommend this as a reward for those of you tracking your NSV's or even the SV's. Well, that's about it. Thought I'd try to get a serious journal submitted after the silliness the past couple of days. I have been trying to recover my 'happy go lucky' demeanor after the travel weekend sucked it out of me. However, it can be challenging. One of the things that surprised me the most was, when voicing my displeasure about the situation to customer service, I was made to feel the blame for not 'getting loud and getting in their face'. Seriously? This is how we handle things now? Is everything to be conducted as if we're on reality TV? How many times 'should' I use the 'F-Word' to get satisfaction? Thank you, but no. I prefer to go about life thinking if you offer a specific service and I pay you for that .. that you'll deliver. Without me resorting to PDA's (in this case, public displays of aggression). Because, well, I deserve it! Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me! Thank you for stopping by and visiting with me. Bella
Diet Calendar Entries for 01 May 2014:
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1743 kcal
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Fat: 136.18g | Prot: 87.80g | Carb: 42.81g.
Breakfast: Trader Joe's Unsalted Organic Butter, Coffee-Mate Sugar Free Hazelnut Liquid Coffee Creamer, Spectrum Organic Virgin Coconut Oil. Lunch: Baby Spinach, Hellmann's Real Mayonnaise, StarKist Foods Chunk Light Tuna in Vegetable Oil. Dinner: Schwan's Mediterranean Vegetable Blend, Cheddar Cheese, Mission Flour Tortillas (Fajita Size), Schwan's Fully Cooked Angus Chopped Beef Steak. more...
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3005 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Standing - 3 hours, Sitting - 3 hours, Sleeping - 7 hours and 30 minutes, Housework - 1 hour, Shopping - 1 hour, Resting - 1 hour, Driving - 30 minutes, Walking (slow) - 2/mph - 2 hours, Desk Work - 5 hours. more...
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 Comments
Mushy sounds like a trip :) ~~ Hope you are having a spectacular day!
01 May 14 by member: waynem37
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I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Stuart Smalley reference!
01 May 14 by member: notjune1
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All it takes is one person we care about telling us something negative and we accept it because we love them. That person can be a sibling, a parent, another relative, or that partner of ours. Over time, we reinforce it with self-talk until that is all we hear - negatives about the self. Once that happens, it is so difficult to climb back up the ladder of self-esteem.
The other half of the problem is that it usually comes first from our mothers, who heard it from their mothers, and so on ad nauseum. Women have been devalued and undervalued for generations. We have the power to say it stops NOW, with me and we will not pass it forward to our daughters.
You are worthy, you are loveable, and you are a good, deserving and wonderful person. We all are!!
And we are here, finding the support we have never before known. And we can do it!!
01 May 14 by member: kclab
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Hugs lady! You made me laugh so hard with your comment on my journal today! I can always count on you. You are so right about bad service. They should see it happening and give us our money back and if they can't fix the problem pay for another company that can do it right! I love that we can be silent with them though and just let everyone within earshot know how horrible they are and ban them through our on social media! Yelp here we come!
01 May 14 by member: Neptunebch
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I think you're great. Thanks for making me smile. (And believe me when I say it...I'm really a stranger to you so I have no reason to lie.)
01 May 14 by member: mgrill
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Angel, in my book, you are better than good enough, wise beyond words & I love everything about you! xoxox
01 May 14 by member: Ruhu
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I started a reply to your journal so many times but I could not get past the pizza (one of my favorite foods). I had so many flashbacks so I think I will save that for another day. Maybe get two slices, get the craving out of your system and have a nice salad on the side or maybe have pizza night with your grandson to avoid any leftovers. And yes, I don’t want to look back on April but that was one heck of a prank. There must have been jaws dropping all over the place. In regards to compliments I struggle with the same problem. Someone has complimented me and at the end of saying something nice to me they feel dejected and embarrassed for having the audacity to say anything further. My explanation for rejecting compliments is or used to be that if I don’t see it (the good things about me) I don’t believe it. And it comes from years of someone making me feel less than. But you are so amazing and you don’t even know it! That’s what makes you even more amazing. By the way get over it! Be “fulla” yourself. It’s long overdue.
01 May 14 by member: ChicaLean
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LOL..some times I feel tooo sexy..Dang that's a good one Bella....I agree with everyone else though...you being your self is the best thing..and after we turn 50..we can pretty much say what we want..And people better listen...LOL..Love this journal....but then again I love all your journals...:O)
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I agree. Have pizza, but make it yourself to avoid the oil slick. Our local WinCo grocery store sells their own dough in the deli section. You could even top it with liver, onions, and spinach ;)
01 May 14 by member: 2toofat
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Bella, we are all just too dang sexy :). It's so sad that most women I know are self deprecating and can't accept anything nice said to them. Just this week you give me a nice compliment which I immediately told you I was unworthy. I know almost everyone adult in my life, while they professed to love me, had absolutely no problems pointing out my flaws. My hair was never curly enough (it is stick straight), I never did as I was told, I answered back and wouldn't accept that I was wrong when I knew I wasn't, I wasn't quiet enough, pretty enough, thin enough, intelligent enough,I didn't apply myself. The litany was endless (and truly still IS in my head). Intellectually now I know at almost 58 that I am a good person, not perfect but good enough. I have raised a beautiful daughter, maintained a marriage for almost 35 years, known him for almost 40 years. I have been an excellent admin assistant to several brilliant docs for almost 40,years. And yet I can't accept a simple 'you're great and I like you, admire you, etc. mind boggling. I know I'm good enough but the child in me doesn't believe a bloody word if it. Bella, you always produce the most thought provoking journals. Pizza - can you buy a slice anywhere, cause one slice of greasy goodness would probably be more than enough. And I still think that cartoon is the best.
01 May 14 by member: sarahsmum
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Bella, I stole the cartoon and put it on Facebook. It was too good not to. Easier to ask forgiveness than permission so hope you don't mind.
01 May 14 by member: sarahsmum
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Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me! <-- I love those Stuart Smalley daily affirmations! <3
02 May 14 by member: Deb_N
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Bella I have always said that is why celebrities look so good - they can afford regular massages - I'm the same as you "treat" myself now and again, but would be there every day if I could afford it. You need to go back and tell young Bella that those women were wrong, give her a hug and let her know she can laugh again as all is well....
02 May 14 by member: triaby
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2nd comment. Reread! Did you really make the April Fools call to Blondie or were you just planning? That is totally hilarious! You are a brilliant communicator - period! Amazing woman even though I have no clue what you look like I think you are beautiful. It reminds me of folks that meet on the internet and get married because they fell in love with what's on the inside not caring how old or what size they are.
02 May 14 by member: Neptunebch
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@Susan - yes, I did. I phoned her, the BCF's and SortaSister. Blondie's voice message to me sounded like I'd just told her someone died. "Uh .. ah... congratulations.. I think .. uh... call me..." Thank you dear - you are so kind and flattering to me. I'm not going to argue with you at all about that. Yep, I'm beautiful and I know it! (already getting fulla myself, LOL)
02 May 14 by member: FullaBella
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What a lucky dog to have an owner that arranges sleepovers! LOL! You crack me up, Bella! Fake it till you make it; what a strategy. I'd go ahead and have the pizza; if you deprive yourself entirely of something you crave, you'll blow it in a BIG way later. yeah, I don't know what you look like either, but speaking from a guy's perspective (because I are one) I can tell you I'd rather hook up with an average looking gal with a pleasant personality and positive attitude than a beautiful prima donna.
02 May 14 by member: DairyKing
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DK - awww.. thanks big guy. You know, it's not that I feel I'm depriving myself of pizza.. and I MAY have some toDAY ...what I have to examine is the 'why are you wanting it?' and more often than not it's because I'm being lazy and don't want to think about my lunch or dinner. And that's not a bad thing once in a while. Yesterday I just had tuna.
02 May 14 by member: FullaBella
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@Chica - yeah, I have spent so many years screwing up my ability to be modest it's almost aggressive and argumentative. I've stopped. Just flash my pearly whites, bat my lashes and say 'Why, thank you! That's so kind of you! Tell me more!'
02 May 14 by member: FullaBella
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@Susan - btw - I did get the hotel to refund the ENTIRE bill - which was over $2k. Yep, I'm just that good. And my 4 page letter to Washington on the Amtrak fiasco is in route.
02 May 14 by member: FullaBella
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What a huge freaking hotel bill but so glad that it was refunded. You rock. I'll talk to you next time I have any kind of issue and get your 'how to'.
02 May 14 by member: sarahsmum
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