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I slipped out of work early today, in part because I thought my stomach was going to gnaw through to my backbone due to hunger. So I ended up eating dinner around 4pm today. Watched a few movies and dozed off during the second movie. I must have went to sleep around 8pm, missing my daily dose of exercise. I'm on call through Christmas. So when the phone started ringing in what I thought was the middle of the night, I was surprised to learn it was only 10pm. I'm wide awake now and reaching for food. It is all I can do to keep from stress-eating. Sometimes in this job, you grow familiar with the families you work with and when you learn of sudden tragic events that involve them...well...I don't know. I guess I am just sitting here wondering if there was something more I could have done to help this family before it got this bad. I'm worried mostly about the kids. Though I do worry about the parents too. I often hear people make comments condemning parents in these situations, but I've rarely met the person who chooses to be addicted to drugs or suffer from mental illness. Once again, I am unable to separate myself and my own emotions from the requirements of my job tonight. I wish I was better at compartmentalizing. A few short days before Christmas and these kids will now not be spending it in their home with family. I actually feel a pain in my chest for them. If it weren't for my profession, I'd probably be a foster parent for teenagers. No one wants the teenagers. Foster parents always want to adopt the babies and toddlers. Teenagers come with their own set of problems having grown up seeing the behaviors of their parents so they mostly end up in group homes or facilities. This just really sucks. There is no other word for it. When I was a child, I would bring home every stray animal in the neighborhood. Now as an adult I want to rescue every unwanted child it seems.
I put some light cranberry juice in my ice water. Maybe it will curb my desire to eat, especially so late. I will be up for a few more hours and may actually have to go do some paperwork. My daughter has a school event tomorrow morning that I promised I would attend. She informed me that she has to be at school around 630am as that is when the buses leave. I am going to be dragging. I'm glad that my own kids are tucked safely in their beds.
Diet Calendar Entries for 21 December 2013:
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502 kcal
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Fat: 19.00g | Prot: 27.25g | Carb: 55.00g.
Lunch: Panera Bread Roasted Turkey & Avocado BLT on Sourdough, Panera Bread French Onion Soup (with Cheese & Croutons). Snacks/Other: Great Value Light Cranberry Juice. more...
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 Comments
Hey, 2MC... the fact that it bothers you so, really shows your compassion. That's what the people you work with really need, especially those kids. It shows your true passion for making people's lives better, and speaks to what an amazing human being you really are. Your attitude truly does embody the Christamas spirit every day of the year! With that said, I do think (for your own sanity) you need to find some way to put that out of your head when you get home at night. Letting it eat at you in the after-hours cannot be good, and could very-well be one of the reasons you have struggled with weight loss. It's a shame you missed your exercise session, it may have been exactly what you needed. Nobody can be *on* 100% of the time... these folks need your compassion and your help. But your healthy mind and body needs you. Don't forget to turn that compassion -- and just plain passion -- to your own needs for awhile. I hope you have a WONDERFUL HOLIDAY!!! Someone like you really deserves to smile and enjoy life a bit. BEST WISHES, and take care of you!
21 Dec 13 by member: Rob.c.weiss
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So many of your journal comments today touched on things I experienced personally. I too closed my shop early as my friend showed up and we went out to dinner (at 4pm!) - Italian, and I ordered a personal pizza - hadn't had pizza in probably a year. It was a nice chicken thin crust but I did eventually eat the whole thing over the evening and fell asleep watching something - can't remember what. Then I woke at midnight and ate the last of the chicken and dumplings. Small bowl but helped me go back to sleep. I remember when I was in my early 20's I had no intentions of marrying but did want to help a child escape the same hell of that which I'd been raised and applied to adopt. I didn't WANT to have to do bottles or potty train so I wasn't asking for a baby. End result was I didn't earn enough money at the time to be considered a viable parent. ((and I was doing really well so go figure)). My friend was a social worker and advised 'if you GET pregnant, being single, you'd be eligible for all sorts of 'aid to family with dependent children' and financial assistance. How weird is that?? So there I was, no serious relationship of any kind ... but if I'd gone out & picked up some stranger in a bar and got pregnant (( because, you know .. they always told you in high school biology it would happen on the first time )) I could HAVE the child and money but to try to do something good for a child already here in need .. nope. Weird red tape much of which I imagine you endure every day. I often wonder at the end of the day if I made a difference, could I have done more, did I pay it forward, did my words to that person heal or hurt. I think it shows we still have humanity. It'd be nice to fall asleep confident that we did all we could. Somewhere there has to be a balance. If you find it.. let me know.
21 Dec 13 by member: FullaBella
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I use diet cranberrypomagranet juice as a substitute for a snack
21 Dec 13 by member: TRHarshbarger
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What a big heart you have! Merry Christmas!
23 Dec 13 by member: Neptunebch
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