FullaBella's Journal, 29 October 2012

Reconciling my Conscience versus my Thoughts



I've decided to stop apologizing or walking on eggshells around FS by making this distinction ~ if I make a POST I will behave myself and be polite and respectful as we all should be but if I post my journal - it's my journal and I am not going to hold back on my feelings or thoughts because I'm concerned with being politically or socially correct.

It's not that I harbor ill will toward anyone specifically because I don't. I've only met really nice people here. But I do have my own thoughts and I need to vent them somewhere and I don't want 'two' journals. So I think, if someone reads my journal, well, they read my journal. Maybe it's because this website is called FatSecret and I am equating this to an AA, GA, NA, whatever, but we are mostly anonymous here and should be able to use that to our advantage and get the demons out of our head while we deal with our bodies.

And this may not be a problem for anyone else here ~~ I never said I was the sanest gal in the room ~~~ but I just found myself struggling and writing then rewriting and finally deleting my response to a post because I didn't want to offend anyone. However, during that time I came to a realization about MYSELF and this is MYFS too so I didn't want to lose that dot connection. So what to do? Hence my JE vs Post disctinction.

I had been reading a post about green bean coffee ... wait, green coffee beans... and was going to add the following but then decided to NOT add it because it came off in my interpretation as a bit preachy or superior or patronizing.

But I'm writing it here to remind myself later if I fall into that trap of outside supplements.

Sure there have been people reporting they lost weight by doing nothing more than adding the green coffee to their daily intake. And I think that's fabulous if that works foryou. EVEN if it's nothing more than a placebo effect. Heck, we all need a magic cure now and then.

For me, I cannot do that right now because this is the first time I am going to do this weight loss above board. No little helpers that I have to lean on for the rest of my life.

I compare this to the first time I took phenteramine (weight loss, appetite suppress, metabolism speeder upper) prescribed by a physician I lost a LOT of weight (150lbs in 12 mos) but I attribute that to BAD dieting more than the pill itself. for me, the pill was the placebo. I was a superwoman dieter with that pill. But then taking the pill and having it suppress my appetite wasn't enough for me, I wanted fast results and probably ate less than 800cals a day - didn't watch carbs then (wrong!) but tried to keep fat grams under 30! and end result my hair got VERY thin and I was of course a insomnia induced (because the phenteramine is a stimulant) crazy person.

But then, a few years later, when I'd gained back half the weight and couldn't stop my out of control bad eating I went to the doc and asked for more phenteramine and he gave me some but a lower dose then I'd had in the past. Either he felt like I'd lost too much too fast in the past or regulations changed but regardless, while the lower dosage was probably SUFFICIENT .... I had such a mental block that it wasn't enough and WASNT in the right place mentally to approach this weight loss goal PERIOD that it was worthless.

Not only did it NOT help me lose the weight I'd gained, I gained even more. I was hungry, I wasn't committed, I wasn't in the right place so no pill in the world was going to help me.

Same thing when my friend kept recommending SENSA. I finally gave in and ordered it to get her to shut up but NEVER tried it and then spent nearly THREE MONTHS trying to get the dang company to stop shipping and billing my credit card automatically. Yep, the first was free but then if not returned w/in a certain time it cost 'thismuch' and so on. Wow, what a mess.

So my opinion on the GCB is that the testing was a small group and it wasn't a blind test. I would LOVE to believe it works all on it's own and the people who reported fantastic results without changing a single 'other' thing in their life REALLY didn't change. But I'm too skeptical. Maybe because I spend so much time thinking about psychology and human behavior. I just cannot believe someone consciously took a 'thing' to help lose weight and didn't make little changes other places too. Wouldn't the thought that you're taking this 'pill' to lose weight make you think maybe 'uh, I think I"ll park a little farther from the store' or 'maybe I'll only eat 5 cookies instead of six'.

So while I haven't seen any blind testing results on the GCB yet it's because I haven't looked, I'll admit that. I have a business associate who is constantly bringing up suggestions for 'things that will help you lose weight' like cayenne pills, coconut oil, and yes, the green coffee beans.

And if those things 'help' even with it being placebo, as long as it's not unhealthy, why not?

For me, I can't try them because I just don't want any 'quick fixes'. My plan is to take the necessary time to achieve my goals without being dependent on an additional 'thing' but I'm NOT Judging with that comment - I'm stating my OWN addictions.

But I am human too so I also acknowledge that I may be holding out for when I hit that inevitable weight loss plateau. And if I decide to try it I'll research it more and come to a conclusion ~ after all, what's one more bottle lined up on the kitchen counter.

What lead me to this current weight loss journey was the doc telling me my blood sugar and cholesterol were too high so when I envisioned TWO more prescription bottles on the counter (plus, maybe even a personal blood check kit) I thought 'let's give this healthy eating one more try first.'

I have no idea why people call 'old age' the 'golden years' ~~~ as it is now, my daily 'pills' include one for b/p, one to help me sleep, a couple of biotin to help my hair & nails, a couple for fiber, plus the chewable fiber (you young folks getting all this??) and a couple for pain and then there's the chewable aspirin as advised by the doc for the heart and ... well, now and then, there's a stool softner. It amazes me with all the 'roughage' I am getting in my daily intake I still need HELP but by golly I do.

Yep, that's another great thing about getting old ~~ you start focusing on your daily bowel movements. Are they regular, is it the right consistency, and so on.

But back to the green coffee bean ~ the magic fruit. Will I try it? I don't know. I did make a note of the brand and requirements recommended and will keep it as a 'maybe' in my amazon 'not right now but some day' cart. And do I consider that 'cheating?' No. I think anything anyone does here to help them get better at being healthy is great as long as the 'thing' isn't unhealthy. But for me, right now, I think I'm doing well w/o the 'extras' so I'm going to stick to what's working for now.

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1363 kcal

Fat: 22.64g | Prot: 105.22g | Carb: 210.42g.   Breakfast: Nonfat Strawberry Greek Yogur, coffee, flax, quaker oatmeal. Lunch: smart, schwans chicken breast, grape tomato, schwans cal. Dinner: stir fry vege, cherry peppers , schwans salmon, kosher pickle spear, grape tomato, Cucumber (with Peel), salad. Snacks/Other: kraft fat free american, Wheat Thin Flatbread Cracker, fiber one, apple slices, Nonfat Strawberry Greek Yogur. more...

3036 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Sitting - 6 hours, Resting - 10 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...