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Today 180
YESTERDAY
Calories Expended - 3049
Calories Consumed - 1545
Tough day yesterday. The reality of my husband's diagnosis hit me HARD as I talked with a physician from Seattle at the Cyberknife Center. Then this morning ... our generator is not working correctly. Our generator is the primary source of power for our home. It was the straw that broke my camel's back. It has been many years since I had a full fledged anxiety attack ... complete with the hyperventilation. Just so much on our plates lately. I am a strong person but holy smokes. I stayed home. We have a "local" doctor's appointment this afternoon to consult about traditional external beam radiation. I learned that with the advanced stage of my DH's cancer the external beam is not very effective. Still, we'll go and hear what they have to say. It will be our back up plan if Cyberknife falls through. We need to sell our house ... it is too much to take care of. So, those of you who are people of faith and prayer ... these are specific things we need to negotiate
1. Selling our property/house for at least as much on the mortgage
2. Getting our generator back up to snuff
3. Insurance to cover Cyberknife
4. Help in getting our wood shed filled
5. Figuring out how to do life with this new overwhelming knowledge for all of us.
I am grateful today for
my best friend in the whole world who talked me through my anxiety attack this morning
being able to schedule a consultation appointment for the Cyberknife Center in Seattle on October 22nd.
working in a place that cares about me as a person
A little bit of sunshine that seems to be peeking out ... hope it lasts until afternoon when it reaches our solar panels!
that I still have today with the love of my life ...
Take care everyone. I'm doing my best to keep myself centered. Some days are more of a challenge than others ... but at least I have a plan!
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180.0 lb
Lost so far: 79.2 lb.
Still to go: 0 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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Diet Calendar Entries for 01 October 2009:
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1845 kcal
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Fat: 85.85g | Prot: 95.60g | Carb: 183.58g.
Breakfast: Fiber One, medifast cocoa, water. Lunch: Special K Protein Bar Honey & Almond. Dinner: Cheese Pizza, Perrier, Carl's Jr. Balsamic Dressing, Carl's Jr. Side Salad, Carl's Jr. Superstar with cheese. Snacks/Other: Luna Mini. more...
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2940 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Sitting - 5 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 5 hours and 14 minutes, Desk Work - 3 hours, Driving - 2 hours, Precor Elliptical - 46 minutes. more...
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losing 14.0 lb a week
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 Comments
I am praying for all of us. Having a plain is definitely half the battle!
01 Oct 09 by member: abbadabba
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One step at a time. I said a prayer for you.
01 Oct 09 by member: BJ16
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((hugs)) breath, cherish the things you grateful for and they will overpower the other stuff. happy thoughts.
01 Oct 09 by member: cindyshine
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My thoughts are with you. You're over the worst bit where they outline your situation in no uncertain terms, but do remember they tell the story from a different viewpoint and timescale to you. Make sure you evaluate all they tell you and look at every option open to you. You can also be sure that if anything is going to go wrong, break, blow up or generally disintegrate then this is the time it will! Don't try to do it all - you just have to let go of some things. (our wood stack is empty) You need all your energy to deal with your situation, housework can wait. Accept every bit of help that's offered too. I know you are strong enough to cope with whatever life throws at you but you are the kingpin and its paramount to take care of yourself so you're able to keep everything on track. I find having half an hour a day to myself to think, talk, scream, cry or anything else that I need to get off my chest helpful and then when time is up I put it all away and get on with life. You can't change what is but you can change how you deal with it. Keep optimistic and don't look at the horizon its too far away. ((Hugs))
01 Oct 09 by member: flaxseed
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What a woman you are! I would have not been able to hold it together half as well as you. Where is it you live? Solar panels and a generator, I am envious over here. I will keep you in my prayers. I wish I could get some wood to you or somehow help you. Hugs to you. Praying.
01 Oct 09 by member: yogamama3
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I will continue to pray for you and yours morning and night. Love - love love. Love is the answer. Your ability to count your blessings is commendable and a testament to your character.
01 Oct 09 by member: poet-in-motion
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I'm sorry yesterday was such a rough one. I'm so glad your best friend was there to help you through it. Positive thoughts and heavy duty prayers winging their way to you. Wish I could give you one of these for real (((((((hugs)))))) then I'd be close enough to kick the generator and help chop some wood!
01 Oct 09 by member: amryk
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Wow..You have a lot of heavy things on your plate, my Friend. Keep hanging in there. My prayers are with you.
01 Oct 09 by member: mbhpro
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I am sending many prayers and positive thoughts to both of you. My heart is with you as you know. I just feel badly I have not been here to offer my support but am now. ((hugs to you))
01 Oct 09 by member: WECANDOTHIS
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I am so sorry you had a hard time yesterday but glad you had such a wonderful support system. I hope you are a little less stressed very soon and that you will find a solution to any problem that you may encounter along the journey you and your hubby are embarking on. {{{{{hugs}}}}
02 Oct 09 by member: dawn0001
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You and your husband are in my thoughts. We have a simliar situation in our family, so I know the challenges you are facing.
02 Oct 09 by member: cjbbw
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Your family is in my thoughts. You are such a strong woman.
02 Oct 09 by member: Deana Garcia
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OK Moose, I have something concrete to offer, so tuck this away: Do you like ice cream? Know that when the stress becomes too much, you can eat an ENTIRE PACKAGE of Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwiches - 6 of them if NECESSARY - for a total of ONLY 12 grams of fat!! If ice cream doesn't do it for you, just let me know....I have other EMERGENCY treatments. Seriously...TRY NOT TO LOOK TOO FAR AHEAD AT THE MOMENT. (No, it's not EZ, or we'd all be doing it, all the time...and we DON'T!) Looking ahead causes panic attacks and insomnia, among other maladies. There may be alternatives to selling your house; you may be able to trade services for someone to fix the generator - or kicking it just might do the trick, like Amy suggested. You might find a roommate for supplemental income and maybe that would allow you to keep your house....Maybe that roommate will be someone who can fix generators! I do know people personally who had to go into foreclosure and have remained in their houses - one family for OVER A YEAR now! You feel the panic for valid reasons, yes, but there are also valid reasons NOT to panic. Just try to keep these thoughts in your mind....and Skinny Cow in the freezer!
02 Oct 09 by member: doit2it
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