madaboutmoose's Journal, 01 August 2009

The vacation spike declined again today. YES!! Another concrete example for me to review ... a gain isn't necessarily "failure" ... nor proof that my body desires to be bigger!! I can kick up my heels and then return to everyday healthy choices. It was still painful, recording the spike but less painful this time. I still resisted recording it but only waited one day this time!! Progress. Definitely progress.

So ... this morning I was looking back over my journal of weights I've kept at home since March 4, 2004. March 4, 2004 I weighed 277 lbs. I stumbled onto Dr. McDougall and his line of Right Foods ... which is basically a vegan eating plan. I lost 68 lbs by October 3, 2004. Then apparently the holidays arrived and by December 26, 2005 I had gained 11 lbs, back up to 220. Apparently I had a brief motivation to lose again and by January 13, 2005 I had lost 5 lbs. Then there was this long stretch of nothing ... until June 2, 2005 when I weighed in at 226 ... which really isn't that much of a gain from Christmas ... had I woken up and smelled the coffee!! LOL!!!

Again, a long stretch of no weigh-ins until January 12, 2006 - 249 lbs. So in 6 months I gained 23 lbs. One would have thought with the new year and I'll I would have been motivated to "get with my program" but alas ... the next weigh in was in March 2006 at 255 up 6 more lbs!! Still I farted around for 5 more months before I got serious again at 256 lbs ... but at least I didn't go up considerably over the summer which in retrospect was quite an accomplishment.

August 2006 I started using Medifast, weighing in at 256 lbs. I consistently weighed every month until May of 2007, ending up at 198 and as low as 192 in March 2007. I had a surgery in June 2007 and was up to 209 by July 2007. By October 2007 I had gained up to 220, by December 225. A gap until February 2008 when I weighed in at 232 lbs.

I returned to my Medifast strategy and from February to May 2008 I dropped back to 206 lbs. Then I went on vacation and avoiding weighing in again until January of this year ... and I was back up to 239!!

Sorry to bore you all with this! I think this is more for me than anyone else so I can read this again and really let this information sink into my brain!!

What is different this time? This time I did not use someone else's "plan" or "method." I use the Medifast Cocoa but that's it. I use that because it is a quick and easy way to get in protein in the morning without cooking and I like the love coffee!! I mix it with my coffee in the morning and it is like having a Mocha!! I have been eating "real" food. I have been counting calories, something I have resisted my whole life because I was sure I would feel deprived. I've always searched for the plan that would let me eat as much as I wanted and still lose weight.

Another difference is that I have gone out and enjoyed myself with food on several occasions. Sometimes just for a dinner out and sometimes for a little vacation. I have stayed on the scale and not let temporary increases equate to "failure." That is a major difference as I look back over the past 5 years. I think I might be onto something good!!!

Measuring portions, weighing food, and counting calories IS NOT EVIL!!! I do not feel deprived at all. WOW!!! Weighing myself everyday is also not EVIL!!! It is quite helpful actually because it keeps me conscious and from slipping into denial and procrastination. I have discovered I can "splurge" and I can quickly return to my normal routine. I still struggle with the inner negative thoughts but they are not in control of me any longer. I feel good, I feel accomplished.

I doubt that it would ever be in my best interest to completely stop calorie counting. Maybe that will change in time but I am not anticipating that being a wise choice for a long time to come if ever. I KNOW that I will ALWAYS need to embrace the scale as a useful tool. If I find myself not weighing loud sirens should sound off in my head ... because it is likely that I have returned to old habits. I do think that using fatsecret has been good for me. Not only for the journals (food, exercise, and thoughts) but for the accountability piece ... the support ... the listening to my self-talk.

Okay ... enough is enough!!! This has been good for me to review this morning. It reaffirms the concept of the never-ending journey and has made me aware that I've been on this journey much longer than since January of this year!! LOL!!! Time to get in my exercise before it gets too hot this morning.

I hope each of you, in whatever way works for YOU individually, find a way to acknowledge your journey, your progress, your worth!! We each have slightly different paths. We each have different goals. While the numbers are significant the "how" we achieve the numbers and maintain the numbers is just as if not more important to pay attention to. While we don't always agree with each other's input ... it has been for me very helpful to consider and have the privilege of observing the journeys of fellow sojourners. Have a great weekend!!!

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2171 kcal

Fat: 87.77g | Prot: 110.61g | Carb: 249.27g.   Breakfast: medifast cocoa, water. Lunch: Yoplait Light Thick & Creamy French Vanilla, strawberries, Whole Wheat Sandwich Thins, deli turkey slices, Alpine Lace Light Provolone. Dinner: Caesar Side Salad, Hashed Browns with Cheese, bacon, Eggs, Butter, Dinner Roll, Garlice & Olive Oil Vermicelli - As Prepared, Shrimp, Corona Light, margarita. Snacks/Other: Special K Protein Bar Honey Almond, Fiber One. more...

2891 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Elliptical - 1 hour and 18 minutes, Resting - 14 hours and 42 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...