madaboutmoose's Journal, 04 June 2009

Thursday morning brings new awareness. I went to bed hungry last night. I had dinner, I had a snack and water after dinner. I have gone to bed feeling a bit hungry before so that isn't really all that new. What was new was waking up this morning very hungry!! That rarely happens to me. I actually had to eat something BEFORE I worked out on my elliptical. Interesting. The other "new" for today is that I am in the mid 180's!! Honestly, I cannot remember the last time I weighed 185 or lower. I know I did ... probably when I got married in 1990 but I don't remember it and it didn't last very long at all. So, how does it feel? Good and strange at the same time. I am less than ten pounds from my goal weight. Sort of unbelievable.

It really does feel different this time around though. I remember absolutely starving myself before my wedding to lose weight. I was cranky and famished most of the time. I was not respecting my hunger or giving my body what it needed. I was simply focused on losing weight for the wedding. An event. You've heard the story already how I gained enough weight on our honeymoon that some of my clothes did not fit by the end of our trip. No wonder. I had deprived myself and my body thought it was going to die!!!! LOL!!!

This time I am NOT starving myself. I was hungry this morning so I had a Kashi TLC cereal bar right away. Then later I had my regular protein hot cocoa drink that I usually have every morning. I will eat again when my body tells me it is time. I am NOT cranky. I feel really good. I feel positive and hopeful most of the time. I think I look healthier this time around too. Last time, my best friend didn't think I looked healthy. My husband had the same worries. I am not getting that feedback this time. This is good. This I can do the rest of my life. I CAN go on vacation and enjoy myself and not lose total control. I can gain 10 lbs and lose it again. I can be good to myself. I deserve to feel good. I deserve to eat well.

Well, time marches on and I do need to get my food ready for work and get on the road here pretty quick. If you are reading this and you still feel like a "failure" please do not give up on yourself. I have spent many, many, many, many years feeling "not good enough" in so many ways. While I have grown and made peace with many aspects of life my weight has been more difficult to face. Are there still imperfections about me that I'm not all that excited about? Oh yes indeed!!! But they are MY imperfections and they are a real part of me. Don't give up on yourself. Don't beat up on yourself. It is a waste of time. You are the only YOU you have if that makes any sense at all. Enough of my soap box for now. As always ... thank you for listening to me!! Thanks for supporting me!! Thanks for being here and facing your own journey to better health!! Have a splendid day!!!

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1250 kcal

Fat: 29.81g | Prot: 82.81g | Carb: 184.77g.   Breakfast: medifast cocoa, water. Lunch: tomato slices, Orowheat Light. Dinner: Shredded Cheese, Feta Cheese Crumbled, tomato, Shrimp, Hidden Valley Ranch Light, Hidden Valley Ranch Fat Free, perrier, iceberg lettuce. Snacks/Other: Yoplait Light Thick & Creamy, strawberries, Marathon Nutrition Bar - Dark Chocolate Crunch, Fuze, Fiber One Oats & Chocolate, Kashi TLC Baked Apple Spice. more...

2987 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Precor Elliptical - 38 minutes, Driving - 2 hours, Desk Work - 9 hours, Resting - 4 hours and 22 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...