madaboutmoose's Journal, 21 December 2010

Did your mother ever tell you ... "if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all" ? Well, with those words of wisdom I was tempted not to write anything today. I'm still struggling and just feel like such a "bah-humbug" that I didn't want to tell you.

But ... you have all repeatedly told me that it is okay to express what I am feeling ... so there you have it.

I look at the picture of me here and I don't feel like that same person. I feel FAT. Of course I am a little plumper these days. I am working to not beat up on myself but I fear I'm not doing a bang up job. My husband is supporting me, you all are supporting me, and I just feel YUCK. I can feel it and I don't like how I feel.

Yet ... I will carry on and there will be another day. Hubby wants me to make Date Nut loaf so he can take some to work. I usually make many loaves and share it with my colleagues. Have not this year. I think I'll buy some ingredients and bake tonight. I think I will not worry too much about my numbers until after Christmas. Then I need a plan to kick my rear into gear.

WOW ... Hot flash.

My herbs arrived today. Maybe they will help balance me out a bit. I'm pretty sure some of my malaise is hormonal. I haven't even put out one single decoration. Will need to this week as my son loves Christmas and will think his mother has lost her ever loving mind if the tree is not up in the living room.

I'll keep exercising, I'll continue weighing, and simply move through this.

I am grateful for ...

A beautiful sunrise over the lake this morning.
Others who believe in me even when I feel super funky.
The arrival of my herbs.
Hugs.
Meeting with a former client yesterday who has stayed clean now for 5 years and getting to see all her children.

I have not given up on kindness towards myself ... I'm just challenged lately. Thanks for all your comments.