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Tough day yesturday. I had a visit from a terrible influence. The old me showed up yesturday. I have no explination but have been reviewing the day in hopes of learning something and preventing it from happening again. So heres the story,(I stink at brevity so this may boar you. You've been warned).
I get to the gym about 5am each morning. I work-out an hour and a half or more so bout 7:30 im done showering and ready to go to work. First I stop off for coffee and a banana. The gas station was out of banana's but had sale on...wait for it, donuts! Yep, you know where I'm going. I know better but there was a line so I checked out the calorie count on the donuts. These weren't just a cake or glazed donut. These were the sleves of six "mini" donuts. You know which ones I'm talking about. Chocolate or powdered. Anyway, chocolate had 430 cal. for the six and the powdered were 360. Of course I put them down and tried to talk some sense into myself. I failed. I was not having any part of sensibility. I bought the damn donuts. Two for a dollar! What a deal. Crap. I actually told myself that since the powdered were fewer calories, I'd just eat those. I did. All six. Ching,360 calories. I trust you know what happened next. Ding ding ding, we have a winner. All of you who said "you ate the chocolate ones too" are right. Crap. Ching, 430 calories. Damn. 790 calories and It's not even lunch time yet. Oh how I wish that was the end of my story. Sadly, there is more. I want to assure you I had a stern talking to with myself after "breakfast". I really found it alarming. It was the "old" me alive and well and hungry. I didn't even see it coming. I would not listen to reason. Anyway...I contiued to spit into the wind come dinner time. I am ashamed to admit this but it is important to me to be honest about this process. I ate FOUR pieces of pizza hut pizza for supper. I know I know, damn damn. I haven't put into my food diary yet but I had to have had darn near 3000 calories yesturday. While all of that is bad and true sadly,the part that bothers me more than the calories is the lack of will power, self control, discipline. self respect I showed. It was truly the old me. I didn't care. How does that creep up on you and blind side you like that?! There is no reason for it. What the heck happened?! I tried kicking my own ass at the gym this morning. I'm not going to surrender or even beat myself up over this. I would like to understand it though. It came out of no where. I will up my game tomorrow too at the gym and I have re-grouped with my eating today. I just would really like to understand how I let that happen. It does scare me. I will not undo my progress. It was not a happy reunion with myself. I do not miss her. There is a great lesson in all of this and I want to make certain I learn it here and now.
The End.
But really it's;
The Begining(part two).
Diet Calendar Entries for 29 March 2012:
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1181 kcal
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Fat: 67.01g | Prot: 45.75g | Carb: 104.37g.
Breakfast: granola thins nature valley, coffee, fiber one chocolate peanut butter bar 90 cal. Lunch: bagel thins, garden vegetable cream cheese. Dinner: mashed potatoes, meat loaf. Snacks/Other: hi lite chocolate ice cream blue bunny . more...
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3666 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Conditioning exercise (health club) - 30 minutes, Walking (brisk) - 4/mph - 6 minutes, Running (jogging) - 5/mph - 6 minutes, Exercise machine (fast) - 25 minutes, Resting - 14 hours and 53 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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