|
So this is my text "journal" to go along with the hopefully weekly recordings about my progress in weight loss. It's not going to be easy. Close to one hundred twenty pounds and the most I've ever lost at one time is probably about forty.
Most of my life I've been at an uneasy truce with my identity of the "fat girl". I've never worn makeup, save for special events, and even then my mother applied it. My father was emotionally, verbally and occasionally physically abusive. I realized years ago that I have a problem with over-eating related to the stress and self-depreciation. There were times where I would go on an eating binge after going a full day without eating anything. I'd eat until it hurt. I've never been bulemic and all of that eating has added up on my body and on my emotional well being.
I'm in college now; I've struggled to find the money to attend school and the drive at times. As I near the end, my graduation set for December, I start to worry how things are going to be when I leave university. I'm graduating into an uneasy, faltering economy.
What I want isn't exactly clear so bear with me... I want to be healthier. I want to shed the pounds, and drop the "fat girl" mentality. I don't want to be the unhealthy girl that was abused. I want to be healthy, strong and confident. If I can lose this weight, I can get a job, I can also be more sure of myself in the relationship I'm in now. Eventually I want children. I want to be able to keep up with kids, and be a healthy rolemodel for them. I'm terrified of diabetes, high cholesterol and blood pressure, and while so far I've dodged the bullet, I don't want to play that game.
So that's why I'm here. I've made a really stupid first video journal. We'll see what happens at the first weigh in in a week.
|