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Note to self: STOP THE MADDNESS! You have worked too hard and want this too much to be backsliding the way you are. Sadly, I've done this before. Lose weight, start feeling pretty good about yourself and think you can eat whatever you want. I hope that is just me. I'm whats called a slow learner. I have been struggling for months now. I have returned to my old eatting habits. Fortunately, not fully but feel like it's only a matter of time. I'm afraid it may require surgical intervention at this point to get my head removed from my ass! It is pretty far up there. I need to formally review my weakness, acknowledge them, resolve to fix them. Starting with the positive; I have maintained my workout routine. Thank the good Lord too. Shudder to think what the scale would say right now if I hadn't. Still, it's time to step it up. Not sure I'm getting all the benifit from it. In my small, pea sized brain, I've let myself believe that after my work-outs my matabolism is higher and that eatting a couple donuts then doesn't really count. Hello fool. I have no illusions why I've put on weight. Stupidity can no longer be an excuse. In all honesty too, I believe I was happy with where I was. I wasn't where I had set my goal for but was ok settling with it. Felt good, looked so much better, happy with my progress. Again, small, narrow-minded thinking. Yes, I see a pattern here. My plan for recovery is this: Educate myself on proper nutrition and exercise. I've gotten a couple books to read to help. No excuse for not knowing. I'm also setting new goals for myself. At 225 pounds I can make an appointment with a plastic surgeon. Once under 200lbs I am bookiing a tropical vacation for my May birthday. There is some incentive! Have not been good at rewarding myself. Time to re-energize and move forward. I can go on from here. No beating myself up just looking honestly at my miss-steps, learning from them and re-committing to a healthier lifestyle. Sounds easy enough but we all know it is not. I'm not really looking for easy though. I'm looking for success. Success is straight head! Forward motion.
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