|
My self-esteem (about my physical appearance in any case) has plummeted into the netherworld again after a 20 day vacation to Hong Kong and Taiwan. Depressingly, only a fraction of it has to do with my weight.
Of course, I felt really, really fat and big. Part of it is that I really am chubbier than everyone else that I see, but the most depressing part is that even if I get to my goal weight, I am never ever going to have that slender, straight and small body frame that I saw on everyone else there. It just won't happen. I have wide hips,broad shoulders, and medium-large wrists. I have muscles that tend to build up easily (especially in the thighs and calves).
Secondly....legs, arms, and back. I have severe keratosis pilaris everywhere, including my face (it's really really bad...it looks like I have polka dots everywhere.) In the smoldering heat of summer in Hong Kong, everyone is wearing shorts and skirts. I end up comparing. It doesn't help that my aunts and uncles over there end up staring at my legs and ultimately ask what's wrong with them (which is nothing but appearance).
Thirdly, hair. I started losing hair(balding) in the 8th grade. I'm 17 right now and just graduated high school. The past year my hair condition has been getting better because I've switched to taking vitamin supplements everyday and eating ridiculously clear and healthy foods(2 eggs, a fruit, and nuts for lunch and then a lot of greens + baked meat or tofu? Come on. It doesn't get much healthier.) as well as drinking a lot of water. I don't get the luxury to be as picky with my food in Hong Kong (I order a plate of choy sum, and I get 5 small sticks with the top and bottom chopped off for 5 dollars....really?) which means that a lot of my meals were flour, wheat, or rice-based. It was obvious to me that I'd lose a lot of hair, but the most frustrating thing is that my parents and my extended relatives ate the same crap as I did and have absolutely no problems with their hair. In fact, they have ridiculously thick (albeit curly) hair. I came back from vacation and looked at my scalp...I really don't have all the much hair left and a ridiculous amount fell out today when I washed my hair...
TL;DR - I have severe keratosis pilaris, I'm balding, and I have a rather large body frame. On top of that, I'm only 17. Is there even a point to losing vanity weight?
|