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Well.. I don't know how to lose weight apparently. It's quite sad. Work work work, and I just keep the same weight back. All I want is to get to 250 lbs. I am just so frustrated.
How is everyone? I will continue to fight for it though, Despite the back and forth. Never surrender!
I haven't touched the elliptical since I learned to work no it. I have no drive. It's quite sad. My dad asked me if I was still trying to lose weight, and I told him that I was frustrated.
He suggested weights. He became super-thin in 5 weeks. Of course, he used really heavy weights though. Somehow he lost it all. He was like 200 pounds, and now he is 160. He eats healthy. He also has had lap-band surgery.
Also, I lost a friend in the last 2 weeks. She wanted friends. That's all. She wanted to just have friends. *sigh*. I wanted to be her husband. When she died, I felt cut off. It's quite sad. I am trying to recover from it.
But it's difficult, because she and I dated for a time. But then I left. She cried for weeks. We were both 18. It's made a mark on me, and an ex of mine said that maybe we should have gotten married. Heather and I were much in love. Meanwhile she had Miller Syndrome, and was disabled. I couldn't deal with it.
Judgement is what kept me from her. It's sad because it was 20 years later, that she found me, and she told her conditions to be friends. She told me that she had a schedule. That she could only talk to me 1 hour, and that she kept me as far away as she could. It hurt, because I still loved her, but she had a way of picking up what I was going to do.
I told her that she was hurting me, but I realize that I had hurt her long ago. We would talk about things for hours on end. Our first convo lasted 4 hours, just the way things used to be. We caught up, and she learned that I had 3 kids, but they had died.
I miss her.
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261.0 lb
Lost so far: 0 lb.
Still to go: 101.0 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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Diet Calendar Entry for 22 October 2021:
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1211 kcal
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Fat: 49.62g | Prot: 93.27g | Carb: 101.68g.
Breakfast: Tap Water, Banana, Great Value Sugar Free French Vanilla Coffee Creamer, Coffee (Brewed From Grounds), Tomato Juice, Chobani Peach Blended Greek Yogurt. Lunch: Tap Water, Subway 6" Turkey Breast, Subway Turkey Breast Salad. Dinner: Low Carb Bacon Cheeseburger Casserole, Tap Water. more...
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gaining 7.4 lb a week
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 Comments
22 Oct 21 by member: HolisticallyHealthy
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On food: try starting your day with some clean protein (boiled egg, whey powder smoothie, fish patty, ground turkey patty) with a full plate of steamed (microwaved vegetables -corn is a grain so leave it off. Do that for two weeks and then see how starting your day with full nutrition changes the rest of your day naturally. I personally found my body was screaming I’m hungry all day long until I gave it what it needed. So much easier now.
On the rest: there is so much there and I can tell you are overwhelmed. Call your local hospital/hospice and ask if they have a grief support group. Go. We are here to help, but you really need a more personal level of support.
On making progress: each week make one goal to change. Getting in bed by 9 and getting up and showered by 7. Placing shoes and an outfit that allow you to move first thing right next to your bed. Doing 20 leg lifts while still in bed each day. Try a new vegetable. You pick it, you decide but every week start making small changes. Don’t focus on the weight, rather small things that will calm your mind, feed your soul and start a new path.
You’ve got this.
22 Oct 21 by member: SparkKG
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I agree with SparkKG. Take care of yourself.
22 Oct 21 by member: Dame Mayhem
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In so sorry for your loss . PS I could be wrong - but maybe she wanted to be friends because she was ill and didn’t want to hurt you .
22 Oct 21 by member: CharlieLovesChaplin
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Walking is great underrated exercise. Nothing fancy just set a goal and walk. Try three miles. Getting enough sun and outdoor activity can help with mood to. So sorry about your friend grief can make it harder to focus on weightloss.
22 Oct 21 by member: bdixon1989
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Sending prayers to you and yours 🙏🙏
22 Oct 21 by member: CharlieLovesChaplin
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Sending prayers for healing!🙏🙏
22 Oct 21 by member: Diana 1234
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Your loses are horrible & no one could share the grief you have. We are all here to give a mental helping hand and encouragement. You have made it this far and you can do this...I know I sound like a broken record...but this is our reality and the only one in control is you. You lived through the heartache now its time to live for your health & happiness..its out there I assure you. Love you first & it will spread. FS is always here🙏👍
22 Oct 21 by member: Alnona
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I don't wish it on anyone but before I had covid I was losing a little, but I got covid lost all appetite and lost darn near all I wanted, but apparently the last phase of covid is gain it all back, no not quite but it is creeping up and I am getting stuck about 5-10 pounds to lose. I need to start walking again but my husband is having health issues I had before covid. heart. I don't like to walk alone and macho man won't stop walking if I can still go.
23 Oct 21 by member: misled2
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I read your message several times. Grief is deep. Perhaps guilt.
Caring for you requires being in the right space and speaking with a professional maybe helpful.
Just a thought
23 Oct 21 by member: MdelP
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The grief of losing 3 children must be unbearable. It would break anyone. But you’re still fighting. That’s incredible. I like spark’s comments. I start every day with a brisk 1-hour walk followed by a breakfast of clean protein. Even if you do just 30 minutes, it will jumpstart your metabolic engine each day. Good luck and keep punching. You can do this. I also pray on my walks. Feeding the soul is most important. It’s the true reservoir of strength that I draw from in tough times.
23 Oct 21 by member: GardenOfHeeden
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wow so sorry that's a lot to deal with
23 Oct 21 by member: ridemariel
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I am so sorry for all your loss and grief.
23 Oct 21 by member: Kenna Morton
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I will be shopping for whey powder this week. Hopefully that's a start. This grieving can be fought through, including prayer (which I have not done lately). It'll be a long time. I shut down my new therapist, since I didn't know I would need one. Agreed that the grief is deep. Losing my sons was heartbrealing.
When I was writing during NaNoWriMo about 6 years ago, I wrote a letter to my 3 boys. Then suddenly, my kids were there, behind me. I cried, and not one of my family noticed. I cried for a good half hour. Colton, my second son, he put his hand on my shoulder, and told me that they were OK. That brought me some relief.
23 Oct 21 by member: jwsalaz
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It is ok to cry. It is a measure of your capacity to love.
Go you on getting the whey. Good foundational first step. Will you check in each week and share the next step you’re taking?
Hugs💕
23 Oct 21 by member: SparkKG
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I am very proud of you good job
23 Oct 21 by member: C4co.op2
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