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Darn ... I started to write and I must have hit the wrong button and woosh ... all gone!!!
So it is Wednesday ... wonderful Wednesday. I only have 2 days in the office this week since I'll be "working" Friday evening and Saturday at my training out of town. Yesterday was an 'at home' day that I had high hopes for getting many things checked off my "to do" list. Unfortunately a large number of them needed to be done on the internet and access was spotty at best all day. UGH. I did get a few things done but I was completely frustrated, irritated, annoyed ... and I never did get my hoped for nap!! LOL!!! Some days are just smoother than others ... what can I say?
A co-worker of my husband died on Sunday. He has been fighting some type of cancer for a couple of years. It is not someone we are friends with but someone my husband says was a very nice man, a conscientious employee (he hardly missed any work up until the last week even with chemo treatments), and he was only 42 years old. Very sad. Two children, 11 and 14 years old. I still don't know how my colleague's husband fared with his surgery last week and another colleague's wife's cancer has flared up again ... and looks pretty untreatable at this point. Our administrative assistant's son just finished another round of chemo and has his scans coming up soon. There is a lot of cancer around us ... a lot of emotion. I know, what will be will be and being anxious or worried doesn't help. Still, the emotions are sometimes difficult to wade through. I still feel sad. It is still difficult to say good bye.
Then, not that this is all that important, but my hot flashes have returned ... at night ... waking me about every 2 hours!! Sort of like have a newborn again. So sleep wasn't great.
It is at times like these considering what I am grateful for is so important ...
I am grateful for the joys of being able to be irritated by my husband ... it means he is still here!!!
I am grateful for perspective ... it is so easy for me to lose perspective.
I am grateful that I have learned it is NOT necessary or particularly helpful to eat my way through difficult times.
I am grateful for my work, it helps to have my focus on someone else.
I am grateful for my friends and my family ... who I can always count on.
Of course today is a busy day, as is tomorrow, and life goes on. It didn't occur to me until just now that I don't really want to be here! LOL!!! Where do I want to be? Oh ... I don't know ... just don't want to be responsible, focused, productive ... maybe under a rock? Just kidding ... I'll be fine. It is a good day to practice being in the moment and to practice kindness towards myself. Today is the same as any other day ... any other moment ... I am only just more aware of the pain today, mine and others. I am more aware right now of the fraility of life, how quickly to can pass, how tenuous it is, how foolish it is to live focused on the regrets of yesterday or waiting to live until "this" or "that" happens. (When I lose weight, then I can ...).
Be good to yourselves today as always. Live. We'll never be 'perfect.' I hope this journal entry wasn't too much of a "downer" for you to read ... I guess I should have warned you up front!! Too late now!!
Diet Calendar Entries for 08 September 2010:
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1026 kcal
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Fat: 26.14g | Prot: 83.03g | Carb: 140.20g.
Breakfast: large egg, Jarlsberg Lite, La Tortilla Factory Low Carb Tortilla, water. Lunch: Weight Watchers Yogurt, banana, Jarlsberg Lite, Whole Wheat Sandwich Thins, white turkey meat. Dinner: Lean Cuisine Chicken in Peanut Sauce. Snacks/Other: Snickers Marathon Dark Chocolate Crunch. more...
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2642 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Pilates - 50 minutes, Desk Work - 9 hours, Driving - 2 hours, Resting - 4 hours and 10 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
Sorry you are having to experience so much sadness all around you right now - especially with what you guys have been through already. Be there for everyone, but try not to take it in to much - don't want to get depressed about other peoples situations that you really can't do anything about... just be a good ear, and maybe make them some sort of food - something that freezes well.
08 Sep 10 by member: MomofTwoGirls
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Hi Moose, and thank you for your heartfelt journal today. On the Barbara Streisand tape I recently listened to she said something along these lines: "The beauty in growing older is you have lived long enough to realize you can make it through life's dissapointments." Life has it's joys and sorrow. "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face....You must do the thing you cannot do. -Eleanor Roosevelt. Peace and Kindness be with you Moose:) TOWANDA!
08 Sep 10 by member: Lisa Online
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Moose, it is so hard to understand the pain and sadness in this world. It is a part of life the we would truly like to do without. However, there is an upside to witnessing these things. And your list of things to be grateful for today expalins it perfectly! Life is so uncertain, cherish those that are important in your life, don't worry about those that aren't, be thankful for all your blessings, and live for today! I am sorry that you are surrounded by sadness and grief right now, but give yourself a mental hug, and remember just how fortunate you are. I know how hard that can be sometimes. My reminder was last month.
08 Sep 10 by member: ctlss
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Not a downer for me! Great entry & words I'll need to remember = )
08 Sep 10 by member: Evil_Angel_Shay
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Ah Moose....my thoughts are totally with you!! And thank you for reminding me.....irritating husbands ARE a blessing- ( that was cute!) and true!
Hope the day gets a little brighter! :-D
08 Sep 10 by member: Klannoye
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I guess it is times like this that we should all be thankful of the many blessings that we do have....including irritating husbands. As a wise man (or more than likley- a wise woman) once said:
"I once was sad because I had no shoes...till I met a man who had no feet." We are all so lucky to roam this earth...and should enjoy every moment that we can.
Thanks for sharing...it really put my day in perspective.
08 Sep 10 by member: Becka-boo
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your journals are never "downers"!! Your words are powerful, thank you for sharing. Focusing on others is good, as long as you don't forget yourself in the process. I wish you a wonderful day!
08 Sep 10 by member: jessyline
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Appreciate the comment moose.
08 Sep 10 by member: information
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It brings me joy to read your comments. The day has been good. My one friend came into work today and she was in pretty good spirits. Her husband is coping okay, they still don't have the pathology report back yet from the growth they removed from the roof of his mouth. My other colleague looks so sad and worn out. All I could do was pat his back and tell him I cared. It seems like so little but I know there truly is little to be 'done' ... this is a difficult time. In the midst of it all there are joys and being able to be sad means I can be joyful too. Thank you all for your comments ... thank you for being a joy in my life.
08 Sep 10 by member: madaboutmoose
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Hi Carol I am late getting here tonight. I am so sorry for your co-workers and they are lucky to have someone like you to be so supportive. Take care and try not to work too hard. We are almost at that weekend again.
08 Sep 10 by member: chattycathy1955
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yea for weekends ... this one involves travel for me ... so it will pass much too quickly ... but I do get to spend a night in a nice hotel room!!
08 Sep 10 by member: madaboutmoose
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Moose I'm telling you, you should write a book! 365 days of inspiration. :) It is sad when people have to go through things like that but it is also good when they have someone there to say a kind word. It does make a difference. You make a difference!
08 Sep 10 by member: Junebug7210
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Hi again Carol! I could really use a nice hotel room this week. Feeling very overwhelmed at work. A nice hot tub sounds awesome. Do you go yourself this time or bring your hubby with you?
08 Sep 10 by member: chattycathy1955
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Mmm, hot tub. I think I will rent a hotel room too - the one down the street is $99 a night and I can get all my girlfriends to chip in!
08 Sep 10 by member: abbadabba
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prayers to you and your co-workers!1 looks like you all could use some right about now!!
and they hot tubs sound AMAZINg right about NOW!!!
09 Sep 10 by member: amy1flite
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Cancer sucks!!! I'm soooo glad that your hubby is recovering nicely. Sorry to hear about all the other cases though. :(
09 Sep 10 by member: Chris1979
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I just love where you are Carol because your wisdom just spills out into everything you write. No one has a life free of stressors and cancer and tough jobs to do but your self kindness and desire to be in the moment really encorages me so much-keep on keeping on and put on your boots and do some dancing SOON!
09 Sep 10 by member: sharonfriz
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