madaboutmoose's Journal, 04 June 2010

Oh I wish I could share an upbeat light-hearted journal entry full of good news ... but I can't. So ... fair warning ... if you are looking for inspiration and warm happy feelings please do not read the following.

The generator needs a fair amount of work. I guess there is good news. Our neighbor has set up a shop and his labor is only $25.00 per hour in contrast to what it would cost to take it to the manufacturer's shop which is considerably more for labor. The bad news is we are already $120 into labor just to tear it down and diagnose it and we need to order parts. So we a limping along on our old gas generator. The old generator has been hard to start, which is frustrating to my husband. He is not a happy camper. Neither am I but we just handle frustration in different ways. It has been raining pretty much nonstop which adds to the gloom and also, for reasons I won't go into here, complicates his job so there has been a lot of stress at work for him as well. If we are fortunate, the generator may be up and running by the end of next week.

It is difficult to believe we had such a good time over the weekend and things look so bleak right now. Financially we are really struggling and don't seem to be able to get a break. I know we aren't alone in that, many people across the world and in our country are struggling as well.

Believe it or not I have stayed on track with my eating these last couple of days. I can't exercise though because my elliptical uses electricity and we have to be really careful about what we use right now. I'll 'officially' weigh-in tomorrow but today I was 185 which is about 2.4 lbs up from last week at this time. I guess not too bad considering being out over the weekend. Actually I've fluctuated 2 or more lbs. when I've been on track in the past, so I guess I'm not too concerned.

In actuality, given the events of the past 10 months I think it is nothing short of a miracle that I have maintained as well as I have. There are moments I just want to say to hell with all of this and eat myself into oblivion. But, I don't like how that feels. It is one thing to indulge on occasion, it is another to eat like I used to eat. Cindyshine said something the other day about being 'worth it.' I AM worth it. I do feel better physically and emotionally, even with all the things we've been through. So ... I am hanging in there ... wondering 'if' we might ever see a break in this pattern of difficulties. I know life is full of difficulties and everyone has them ... it just feels like we have been at a nonstop run of one thing after another without much respite in-between events. I'm usually the 'positive' one ... the one who can see the silver lining in the cloud and I'm struggling to not feel totally weighed down in despair.

Alas though ... I will keep putting one foot in front of the other and trudging along, paying attention to the positives and the blessings in my life because I do know they are there. I feel like Alexander in the children's book "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" .... his mother told him ... "some days are like that, even in Australia" ... perhaps for me some years are like that ... even in Idaho. LOL!!

I hope you my friends are having more happy moments than I right now. Thanks for listening.

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589 kcal

Fat: 10.94g | Prot: 42.68g | Carb: 85.39g.   Breakfast: water, Special K Protein Bar. Lunch: yoplait light thick & creamy, Weight Watchers Yogurt, white turkey meat, Jarlsberg Lite, Whole Wheat Sandwich Thins. more...

2546 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Desk Work - 9 hours, Driving - 2 hours, Resting - 5 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...